Yangchenma

Yes, I'm moving...

2010-04-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

After trying to maintain two blogs while I explored typepad, I have decided to defect. Mostly because HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche is on typepad and it'll be easier to follow him if I'm on there too.

I will still maintain yangchenma.blogspot.com for as long as I can because of my archives (which i haven't figured out how to transfer over to typepad yet). I'm quite a technoretard so this may take awhile.

In the meantime, please follow me over at http://sharonsaw.typepad.com/..

Thanks for joining my continuing journey..

His Eminence Kyabje Lati Rinpoche Enters Clear Light

2010-04-13T00:02:00.006+08:00

I've received many teachings, audiences, divination results, and persoanl advice from this incredibly eminent master. He was one of the greatest living Buddhist treasures left in this century. He was tulku (reincarnated master) and also Kensur (Abbot Emeritus) of Gaden Shartse Monastery. He was the guru to thousands around the world with several books out. He was the pillar of Gaden Shartse Monastery. One of the reasons for the success of Gaden Shartse is Lati Rinpoche. He took birth to benefit others in Kham Tibet in 1922.

via blog.tsemtulku.com

Please read HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's touching tribute to his Guru HE Kyabje Lati Rinpoche who has passed into clear light earlier today.

Tsem Tulku Rinpoche is the perfect embodiment of Guru Devotion. He never wavers from his Gurus teachings and instructions and keeps all the commitments he has made to his Gurus all through his life.

I am so grateful to Lati Rinpoche for asking Tsem Rinpoche to come to Malaysia and gift us with the Dharma. May Lati Rinpoche swiftly return to benefit more beings. Lati Rinpoche's blessings will continue and be amplified through the Dharma teachings and work of his eminent disciples who are also highly attained like Tsem Rinpoche.

May Tsem Rinpoche's vision of KWPC manifest smoothly and quickly.

Taking from the homeless...

2010-04-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

This evening, I went on the Kechara Soup Kitchen Petaling Jaya route, with Mr. Lim driving, Clifford and Joyce in the car. It started pouring just as we headed out and many of the homeless were nowhere to be seen. We still ploughed on and Mr. Lim was the hero of the evening, heading out into the rain with our solitary umbrella to look for our usual clients.

At a particular bus stop, we gave some packets of food to a one-legged man on crutches who is one of KSK's regulars. As we left, we saw two big tough looking guys going up to the one-legged man and helping themselves to his food. What kind of people are these who can take from a homeless person who was an invalid? These two guys had a motorcycle, they were wearing watches, they obviously could afford food, yet they had no compunction about taking from the homeless.

We wondered if we should step in but what was the point? Those two looked like they could have us for breakfast. In the end, we just drove away in disgust.

What is the world coming to?

Gifts from Ann Woo

2010-04-09T13:17:00.000+08:00

I received a surprise gift from Ann Woo today - a t-shirt and a couple of scarves. So sweet of her. She is truly someone who is all heart. Not just because she gave me a gift but that she is so genuinely caring for others.

Ann is the Executive Director of Nanyang Press Foundation and I met her last year at a Soroptimist talk about fund raising. She has raised millions for charity and said that we have to embrace fund raising rather than do it reluctantly. We often don't like to ask for money but we are not asking for the money for US. So why do we feel bad about it? We are asking for money to benefit others. How Buddhist, I thought.

I found that it such a great and inspiring talk and knew it would benefit Kechara greatly. At first, I was a bit nervous to ask her because I knew she was Catholic and Kechara is a Buddhist centre, but when I asked her, she immediately agreed and said that she liked Buddhist philosophy too.

She couldn't immediately come as there were some work and personal issues, but as soon as those were over, she came to give a talk to Kechara as she had agreed. She also had the opportunity to have an audience with Rinpoche after 'The Legend of the Conch Shell' show last year. She was extremely impressed by Rinpoche (after all, who wouldn't) and she has also been supporting Kechara in her own way.

She will be retiring from Nanyang on 17 April this year and she will be doing her own consultancy. I hope she will have more time to visit us at Kechara!

Quote from HH the Dalai Lama - shared by HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

2010-04-08T23:15:00.002+08:00

To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in someone else.

Overheard at the Ladrang

2010-04-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

"I can't hear because I'm munching" - David Lai

And in between - a blessing from the Lama

2010-04-06T03:23:00.007+08:00

Just after we finished making the tormas and about to begin the Drolchok practice, we were suddenly invited to have an audience with H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche. Excited as always, we went upstairs to see Rinpoche.

First, we had a surprise: Rinpoche unveiled his alter ego: Buddha man (as opposed to Superman)! This was a t-shirt Rinpoche had designed!

We all loved the t-shirt!! Only our Rinpoche is so multi-talented - a true Renaissance Rinpoche! Leonardo Da Vinci eat your heart out!

Then Rinpoche sat down and gave us a brief but inspirational Dharma talk. Rinpoche explained that the practices we were doing came from the illustrious Gaden Monastery, so they are authentic. Monks from Gaden came to teach us and we were the pioneer group of puja practitioners who would teach other lay people how to do the pujas. This would all lead to Kechara World Peace Centre (KWPC) - our future retreat land.

Most of the puja group were full-time Dharma workers or part-time. Rinpoche reiterated the same message which he has been giving for a long time - do not quit. Never quit. If we leave and wish to come back, things will be different already. Rinpoche also talked about Vajrayogini - that if we do not fulfil our commitments or finish work we have promised, when we get Vajrayogini's practice, we will not be able to fulfil her commitments either. Even coming to get the empowerment may not be possible because of the karma we have created. The effect resembles the cause, so we have to create the causes now.

Dharma work is what is ultimately fulfilling and what will give us happiness. Everything else will not make us happy. Rinpoche as usual, spoke with such pure passion for Dharma and uplifted all of us - what a beautiful motivation to begin our Drolchok puja session.

Rinpoche giving a Dharma talk

The Puja group with Rinpoche

Rinpoche and Mumu

Read what Rinpoche says in his blog about this and the Drolchok practice!

Drolchok - Tara Puja - practice

2010-04-06T03:05:00.005+08:00

This evening, we had a Drolchok practice (and train the new puja people) session. As with everything in Kechara, everything is speeded up so we were practising today and a 10 day puja session starts tomorrow! Here are the pictures of the group:

Prof Choi, Shirley Maya and David shaping their tormas.

Jamie showing everyone how to make tormas. "It's easy," she says.

moulding away

Adding the decorations

Girlie and Nicholas Lee in deep concentration

David making his torma

Here are the happy torma makers!

Practising in the beautiful prayer hall.

Jamie explaining how the puja was going to go.

Vege burgers at the Ladrang

2010-04-05T18:04:00.002+08:00

Some delicious vege burgers which were homemade

by the Ladrang überchef, Justin Ripley

Head Ladrang Liaison JP Thong with a couple of burgers

Want one?

One of the wonderful (and fattening) perks of working at the Ladrang, where the pace is frantic and the pressure intense, is that there's sometimes a minute to spare for some good healthy food! You will never, ever go hungry in Kechara!

Bumped

2010-04-05T17:46:00.000+08:00

I was parked innocently outside Tutti Frutti in TTDI when a car just came and hit me! Luckily the damage wasn't too bad - just scraped up the bumper and knocked it a bit out of alignment. The lady came out grinning and said, "Sorry, I didn't see you!"... oh well. Some purification perhaps.

KMP is moving

2010-04-05T17:25:00.009+08:00

Yes, it's time to move out and on. After a couple of months' delay, KMP is finally in the throes of moving out from our lovely, comfortable office on Jalan PJU1/3G to our temporary office just in the road behind.

KMP is vacating our office to make way for our new gompa. We moved in barely two years ago, in September 2008, but as Kechara has grown exponentially since then, the current gompa, affectionately known as KH1, is now too small to accommodate the crowds who attend Rinpoche's teachings.

Kechara has since acquired a few more shoplots, which together with KMP's current office, will be renovated to become our new gompa.

Today, KMP Liaisons start working at the Ladrang because most of the KMP office has had its aircons and lights removed from all rooms aside from two, where the non-liaisons will be working from.

The admin office currently looks like a sweatshop, full of boxes

This was the editors' office - my desk was on the left, closest to the corner. The aircon, lights and built-in cabinets have all been stripped and taken to be reinstalled in our temporary office. We will be in the temporary office for around a year before we move to our next office.

This was a cake we bought to commemorate our moving

- the bees represent the presence of the Sangha

so we thought this was kind of appropriate.

Here's some of the gang. From the left at the back, there's Judy our super admin who tolerates a lot of our nonsense and is developing the siddhi of non-attachments as things are always impermanent at KMP. Next to Judy is Deborah Pereira, our production manager, who is always cool no matter what. May i achieve her equanimity. Then there's me. Below Judy is Dr. Lanse, a qualified medical doctor who decided to devote her time to Dharma, where healing the mind is much more powerful that healing the body, which is impermanent. Next is David, our star writer and author of "There's No Way But Up".

On the right side, there's Fang, our very talented art director, Susan, our ex-intel e-communications manager and last but not least, Allan, our newest addition to the KMP fold - the marketing guy.

We offer the cake to Manjushri first.

David cuts the cake - to also celebrate that his book, "There's No Way But Up", has now been sold out and we need another reprint! Congrats David!

Kechara Soup Kitchen

2010-04-04T04:27:00.004+08:00

This Saturday evening, Shirley Tan, Dr. Lanse and her sister Shiau Wen joined KSK's midnight round. We started off at KH2 around 9.30pm to pack the signature plastic bags of food then proceeded to the centre of KL to distribute them to the homeless.

It was a quiet night though and when Nicholas Yu, our team leader, asked some of the homeless we did encounter what happened, we heard that the welfare department had cleared many of the homeless because of the current F1 race in Malaysia. This happens regularly, especially when there are any major public events in KL.

I hope that wherever they are, they are not hungry.

"There's No Way But Up" Book Club

2010-04-04T04:09:00.002+08:00

At KMP's book club today, David Lai presented his autobiography, "There's No Way But Up", which relates how he met HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche and how Rinpoche literally changed his life. Articulate, off-the-cuff, natural and passionate, David shared how he never thought he could write and that it was only through Rinpoche's advice to write and Rinpoche telling him he would be successful in it that he finally decided to write his autobiography.

Of course Rinpoche is never wrong as David's book sold out the first print and David has received great response from readers - not just from Malaysia, but other countries too.

David's writing style is his own and he speaks directly to the reader from the heart, sharing his love for Dharma always.

I am very proud of David - he has matured over the past few years that I have had the privilege of knowing him and I look forward to seeing him fly!

Death Meditation

2010-04-02T03:34:00.005+08:00

Rinpoche came in and delivered a stunning Dharma talk - as usual. For me, it just pulled in the focus tremendously. He began by saying that people do Dharma for three different scopes of motivation. The biggest scope was for Enlightenment for the sake of all sentient beings. The middle scope was for happiness in this life and other lives. The lowest scope was to improve our business, our family life, relationships. Rinpoche explained that no matter which scope we had, it was still Dharma.

He asked - do we have difficulty choosing Dharma over secular life? Do we have trouble changing our habits for the better? Do we gain intellectual knowledge about Dharma but our minds don't change? If we have actualised death meditation, we would immediately change. We would be kind. We would work in the Dharma.

The reason why we do not choose Dharma over secular, Rinpoche said, was because we have wrongly placed value on Dharma. For something that we see has value to us, we will do anything, climb any mountain, cross every stream. Rinpoche gave a cute analogy. He said, if we were driving on our way to another town to collect 10 million dollars, if we have a puncture, would we just give up? No! We'd beg, borrow or steal something somehow to get over there.

We'd walk if we had to. We wouldn't give up. Because we see value in 10 million dollars.

When we don't know the value of something, when we are ignorant, we quit easily. We are lazy, we run away when things get difficult.

How much Dharma you do and how much you transform is 100% dependent on whether you do the death meditation. Rinpoche explained it very easily like this. We can always debate if God exists, or Buddha exists. Some people believe, some don't. But everyone believes in death. Everyone knows that they will die.

Rinpoche then took us through a death meditation where we imagined our senses closing down one by one, then our bodies being prepared for the coffin. We see ourselves from inside the coffin looking at the four walls around us. We imagine the soil being thrown on top of the coffin until we're fully buried and our bodies will never leave that box ever again.

If we are being cremated, Rinpoche said, then imagine our bodies melting like wax in the furnace. And everything we are just becomes dust.

Believe in death, Rinpoche said.

When you do Dharma work, you benefit yourself, your loved ones and those around you. If you're in Dharma and you experience problems, it purifies the karma for impatience, for failure, for anger. If you are not working in Dharma and you experience problems, it doesn't purify anything. You are just experiencing your karma.

I remember Rinpoche mentioning before about Dharma work where he said if you work in Dharma or if you don't work in Dharma, you will still come across obstacles. The difference is that when you are in Dharma, you suffer to benefit others. When you are not in Dharma, you are suffering to benefit yourself.

Rinpoche also talked about KWPC - our future spiritual retreat land and institution of alternative arts. KWPC stands for Kechara World Peace Centre, and was formerly known as Tsem Kachö Ling (TKL). Recently, the liaisons decided to change the name to be aligned with the Kechara organisation and for the name to be easily understood and not require extensive explanations. Voila!

Kechara will be having a get together with the members and Liaisons to explain the scope and objective of KWPC on April 10th. Rinpoche has a big vision and to achieve it, we all need to be aligned with it. It's really time to give back. We have gained so much from Rinpoche - from gifts to meals to movies to massages and of course the ultimate gift of Dharma. What have we given Rinpoche (except heartache and stress!). It's time to give back.

I won't mention so much of what he said here about KWPC and save it for another day! Rock on April 10th!

Watch this space.

Drama and Dzambala

2010-04-02T03:10:00.005+08:00

Wednesday was a bit of a drama.

I was happily in the middle of a KWPC Fundraising meeting when I received a frantic call from Umi, who was picking Sean up from school. Apparently Sean was nowhere to be seen and ALLLLL the kids were gone. All the equanimity, calm abiding etc hurtled out of the window as I immediately panicked.

Fortunately, good old Henry was in the same meeting and his daughter goes to the same school so he promptly called her up and heard that Sean was seen heading back into school fifteen minutes ago. I told Umi to go to the school to look for him and she did find him in the end.

Basically, there was a miscommunication because over the weekend, I had received an SMS which was in Mandarin. Someone translated it for me and told me that it meant Sean did not have tuition at school until 18 April. Sean was supposed to find out about it and get back to me, which he never did. And I forgot to ask.

To cut the long story short, he did have additional class which was why he didn't show up at the bus stop where Umi was waiting for him. So instead of 2.45, his school would finish at 4.30pm. And Wee Liang was supposed to pick him up at 4pm and bring him for Dzambala puja.

Argh. I was tearing my hair out.

We were having a Dzambala Puja that night, which Rinpoche had recommended that we do 108 Dzambala pujas, where each participant would count as one puja. I had wanted to Sean to join in but because of his tuition finishing late, AND that he didn't do his homework the day before *sigh*, I decided that he should stay home and finish his homework. So I had to tell Wee Liang that he didn't have to fetch Sean but could he still please bring Sean's Dzambala set so someone else could use it. You see, only the puja participants with full sets would count as one of the 108.

Dzambala
So off I went to Dzambala puja. We had 54 people with Dzambala sets which meant coincidentally that we could complete the required pujas in one night if we repeated it twice. (Thank Buddha for Sean's set which Anila borrowed)

I do like the Dzambala puja - we get to bathe Dzambala, flick peacock feathers, do mudras - exciting stuff. And of course connect with the Buddha of inner and outer wealth.

After we finished the first round and happily went to wash our ritual implements to get ready for the second round. There was a bit of a commotion. A good one though. Rinpoche was coming over to join us!

But we had to finish our puja first.

So Girlie, who was our Dzambala Queen, galloped through the puja at a cracking pace! I didn't even notice how long it took - the first session took one hour and 15 mins so the expedited one must have taken less than an hour.

Before i could calculate, Rinpoche was there!

From KPss2 to KSA to BSC to STYLO to Solaris

2010-03-31T11:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday started off with a liaison task force visit to Kechara Paradise ss2 and Kechara Saraswati Arts - both a mere hop and skip away from each other. The liaison task force was set up as a roster for all liaisons to visit different departments in order to get to know how and what the whole Kechara organisation is doing. It is very easy to get so consumed by our own departments that we lose touch with what is happening in the other departments. As liaisons, we decided to implement this taskforce roster among ourselves to make sure this doesn't happen. My taskforce of Irene (HOD of Kechara Oasis) and JP (Head liaison of Tsem Ladrang, Exco of Kechara World Peace Centre (KWPC) and BOD) and I went to visit our outlet in Petaling Jaya.

KPss2

KPss2 (ss2 is the area of Petaling Jaya where the outlet is) was our first retail store which was founded in 2000. It was also one of the first places I had visited when I got to know Kechara. It's managed by the petite always smiling Liaison Wan Wong who is always welcoming to all. I love looking at the items at KPss2.. there are more Buddhist statues and ritual items here as this outlet caters for Kechara members and the more serious Buddhist practitioner.

KSA

Wan is also the HOD for Kechara Saraswati Arts, which is the first ever Himalayan Arts Studio in South East Asia. Here, sewing of Buddha's clothes, brocade for thangkas, rolling of mantras for inserting into statues, beading, painting of statues and various other artistic activities happen. It is a fun and relaxing place to spend time while doing something superbly meritorious. It's a great place for families to hang out too as there are many different things to do. Anila, our Sangha member, is often seen at KSA helping to roll mantras.

BSC

After that, I rushed over to BSC to meet with my fellow liaisons Li Kim and Jamie aka Paris. Jamie had a fabulous fund raising idea for KWPC and we were meeting up with someone to brainstorm. I cannot reveal what the concept is yet as it's still extremely embryonic but suffice to say that the meeting was exciting, the potential is great and I can't wait to see how this develops.

STYLO

From BSC, i ran back (literally, since I live almost next door) and after a quick check of emails, got ready to go to one of Malaysia's premier fashion events, STYLO. STYLO was conceived as part of the SE Asian region's Formula 1 activities to showcase Malaysia's top fashion designers. It was held in a boys' school in Sentul of all places - quirky but Dato' Nancy Yeoh, the organiser - did manage to carry it off!

Apprentice Liaison Bill Keith was chosen to showcase his beautiful designs (how i wish i had the figure to carry off his kebayas - kebayas are traditionally Malay figure hugging tops which Bill has interpreted in his own style) and he really did put on a show! He had a Malaysian version of Lady Ga Ga singing live while his models strutted their stuff on the catwalk. Awesome!

After the show, I bumped into a couple of Oxbridge friends who said nothing has been happening at the Society. Er.. yes... things have been rather quiet but we will have the Boat Race Ball in May which we are constitutionally bound to have.

Then Shirley Maya Tan, a long time friend who has been very busy in her media career, suggested we go for supper to catch up so off we went.

Solaris

Shirley took us on a quick tour of her beautiful apartment while she got out of her glamorous dress and into comfy t-shirt and jeans while Susan and I remained in our STYLO outfits. I think we must have looked a trifle odd at the coffee house in Solaris that we eventually ended up in.

We sat there chatting, nursing our drinks on the pavement until the waiting staff politely told us that they were closing and needed to take our table away to keep. It was nice to catch up with Shirley which I hadn't done for awhile since both our schedules are quite hectic. I'm determined to make more of an effort to keep up with old friends this year. Especially since the passing of an old friend a couple of weeks ago.

Home

After all that, I came home and promptly got on my laptop to finish off some work.

So another day ends and now another begins. And so the cycle goes.

Memorial to Hock

2010-03-26T02:13:00.004+08:00

The memorial for Hock this evening was really special. The room was packed with friends, colleagues, family. All the people whose lives Hock had touched and it was really quite ironic that it would take such a tragedy to get us all in the same room. I met some friends I had not seen for over 20 years. I just wish it wasn't under such stupid circumstances.

The eulogies were of course heart rending, yet every single person shared a medley of Hock's unending stream of practical jokes which drew laughter all round. Tributes were also given to his brilliant mind - he was truly a Renaissance man. Every sharing was a reminder of how full Hock's life was. A life truly well lived. During the recounting of the jokes Hock used to play, I did have an extremely irrational thought that Hock was going to jump out from behind the satin drapes and scream - surprise! It was just a joke.

Unfortunately, it didn't happen.

So, it's done.

Here's to you Hock. And we WILL have that bloody London reunion this year - and it'll be in honour of you.

Choong Kuat Hock RIP

2010-03-20T17:08:00.001+08:00

Last Tuesday, i was woken up by a phone call from an old friend, Michelle, who called from Singapore. She asked me if i heard what happened to Hock. I had no clue. And that was when the nightmare began. He had been missing since last Monday. I immediately smsed one of my oldest friends, Pyng, to ask what it was about and she was away in Germany but confirmed that Hock had gone missing. Later that day, I spoke to Huei who confirmed Hock's death as he was one of those who were at the police station to identify Hock's body. The rest of the day was spent fielding phone calls from friends and acquaintances, all asking about Hock. Some were just busybodies who wanted the inside scoop and I personally wanted to slap them. How macabre to use someone's death just for gossip. Oh well. Om Mani Padme Hum.

Anyway, I couldn't believe it. Hock was my neighbour in Penang but I only really got to know him in London. There was a group of us, mostly from Malaysia, who hung out together and later we always called ourselves the London crowd. The London crowd then basically consisted of the Queensway gang, who were Pyng, Huei, Jon, Don, Hock, Swee Im, Mee Lyn (yay - one person from Marble Arch!), Choy, Sook Kuen and many other friends. I was the youngest and only joined them during weekend exeats when I could steal away from my boarding school. Then we would have weekends of no sleep and plenty of parties. All legal though. We didn't do drugs though we did attempt to drink ourselves into oblivion and succeeded often. We'd rent cars for the weekend and go racing up and down Park Lane. Those were the days of Hippodrome and sometimes Stringfellows. Shopping in Bond Street and South Molton Street. Discovering Michiko Koshino and Issey Miyake. And Ixis in St. Christopher's Place.

We were young and restless. Very restless. I revelled in it. My parents had a flat in Marble Arch but I never went there if I could help it. I would come straight from school to the safe, friendly arms of Lancaster Close in St Petersburgh Place, where Pyng, Huei, Jon and Don and Honey lived. I'd stay in Pyng and Huei's flat, which was like a pub, so many people came in and out - the door was hardly locked. On the weekend, we'd invariably meet up with Hock and Swee to eat in our favourite hangouts in Queensway. And after a weekend of partying, one of my friends would often call my school to tell them I was ill and could I only return a few days later. Actually after too much partying on Saturday night, I did feel rather ill by Sunday evening. Those were the Halcyon days.

Then one summer, things changed.

We all grew up overnight when Don, Jon's brother, passed away. That summer, the London group grew closer, more sober (only just) with a realisation that we were not immortal.

That was a good couple of decades ago. Eventually, over the years, the London group went our separate ways, even to separate countries. People got married, had kids. No more partying. Jon was busy in Penang (though it was lovely to see him recently at Bangsar!). Mee Lyn is living in Hong Kong. Charmie is in Jakarta. Of course we'd meet up now and then and reminisce over the old times. Swee was in KL and i'd see her on and off too. I keep close to Pyng, who lives nearby and who i am very grateful for the friendship. Huei's kids and mine went to the same school for awhile, so we'd see each other occasionally. We'd talk about our kids, which school they are in, what medication we were on! Yes, we're growing old. All of us, probably except for Hock.

Hock - I had caught up with now and then. He was building his dream house in Bangsar, complete with pool and lifts! And this was for his mother who he loved very much. This was the kind of nice guy he was. We'd always did the muah muah air kiss thing and said we'd catch up soon. After all, we'd soon be almost neighbours - again. Or so I thought.

Famous last words. We were supposed to have another London reunion last year but everyone and I were just too busy in our little lives and never found the time.

So now, Hock has left us.

Now, all we can do is remember him. I remember him as someone completely mad. If there was a choice over two evils, he'd always try the one he hadn't tried before. He was always one for a laugh. A die-hard Peter Pan who never grew up and an irrepressible prankster. We got him back a few times though. Of course, aside from being this joker, he was an incredibly intelligent and talented guy. Qualified as an engineer and a chartered accountant, he was considered a financial wizard who had authored books and also wrote for The Star newspaper, 'Hock's Viewpoint', and the Edge.

Last Friday, a few of his old (literally and figuratively) friends got together at Swee's to remember Hock... I came with Pyng, and I saw Honey for the first time in years. That was a blast from the past. Sharon Wong was visiting from Singapore. I hadn't seen her for close to 20 years. The Choy family turned out in full - Wai Ceong, Wai Hin and Sook Kuen. George and Lai Cheng, who hadn't changed a bit. David Mah. We had cheese and wine and remembered Hock fondly. All his practical jokes. His joie de vivre. He was larger than life.

When I first heard of his untimely death, I wept. I wept for the old days. I wept for the times I was looking forward to catching up with him but never did. We always think there's plenty of time, then time passes. I forgot our mortality. Impermanence indeed.

Thank Buddha for being in Buddhism now, for I managed to pull myself out of the trough I was wallowing in. Fortunately for Buddhism, I can offer Hock something more substantial than tears and regrets, which would not benefit him one iota. Thank goodness for H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's Dharma teachings and letting me have the opportunity to do Dharma work, so that I can dedicate my daily merits to his good rebirth and benefit him in the long term.

Our Friday London group get together was nice because no tears were shed. Instead we drank to Hock and his effervescent life. I'm sure he is wandering around somewhere, playing tricks and practical jokes on the dakas and dakinis or angels in heaven. Hock was an agnostic (well, at least now you know for sure whether God exists!) though we did have some good conversations about Buddhism, which I think he identified with the most out of all the religions. He was by no means religious, except about having fun.

Wherever you are, Hock, you're missed. I'm praying for you. May you have a swift and good rebirth.

A moving eulogy by Mark Chang

Learning Pujas

2010-02-21T01:27:00.013+08:00

It feels like I've been in retreat these past few days - sitting in Ladrang with two lovely monks, Ven. Kating Rinpoche and Gen-la, who came all the way from Gaden Shartse Monastery to teach us Malaysians pujas. This was of course all H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's brainchild - to teach Malaysians how to do the pujas so we can practice here in Malaysia and even teach others in future. All this is part of Rinpoche's grand plan which leads to our future retreat land, TKL.

What's so special about the Ladrang is that it is designed purely for others. Every comfort is available and everything is prepared for our convenience, and the Ladrang Kitchen team prepares meals for us at the drop of a hat. Jamie, who has kind of become the Puja Queen by default, has been working on the pujas for weeks and weeks. Her desk at KMP has been vacant and she seems to have almost moved into the Ladrang permanently. During this week where the puja team is learning how to make tormas and the rituals involved in each puja, Jamie has been toiling night after night to prepare for the next days' pujas. I rejoice for her hard work (yay - i get some of her merit!).

What I love about these pujas is learning how to make the tormas and actually getting involved with painting them and making them. I learned how to roll the tormas to get that conical shape, how to paint the tormas with upward strokes so they don't crack. I got to paint Yamantaka, Setrap and Dakini's tormas. How blessed I am to get to do these wonderful sacred activities. And yes - these pujas will hopefully become books for practice in future!

The best part is of course the chanting of the pujas. I love to listen to the monks chanting in Tibetan. It just makes my heart sing. Perhaps i was a yak in the monastery field in my past life and the chanting brings back memories. I have always loved to hear Rinpoche chant and when Rinpoche and the two monks have chanted together, it's really, really stunning.

It just seems like that is what heaven should be like.

Today, we did the Gyabshi puja, which is the 400 offerings for the clearing of obstacles. It was really quite amazing. We made 100 torma offerings to the spirits, 100 stupas (represented by images printed on paper though originally, the monks would make 100 stupas to offer!), 100 spirit tsatsas, the sponsor lu (which we decided would be Sean!) and the accompanying offerings. It was all great fun to prepare!

Some photos:

Day 1: Gen-la making beautifully uniform tormas for the Menlha puja.

Day 1: Kechara Puja Team wondering if they can do the same.

Day 2: Sheningdunduk Puja - Heart Sutra
Day 2: Gorgeous Tormas to Yamantaka, Setrap, Dakinis, Kalarupa, Ngondro, Chindro

Day 2: Spirit Lus - colours representing different directions

Day 3: Stunning Gyabshi offerings set up on the side of the main altar.

Looked a bit like 'Lord of the Rings' (i thought rather irreverently).

Day 3: The Gyabshi Offering table in relation to the altar

Day 3: Sean as the sponsor lu!

Day 3: Here is the sponsor lu on the Gyabshi offering table

May all our obstacles be removed!!

I'm very thankful to Tsem Rinpoche for letting us have this opportunity to learn these ancient rituals to benefit our spiritual journey. And what a great journey it is!

Grand Setrap and Dzambala Puja 2010 - day One

2010-01-30T15:59:00.012+08:00

Today was the first day of the Grand Setrap and Dzambala Puja - our second annual event, and as promised, it surpassed our event last year in decor and atmosphere. The decor was done by our incomparable celebrity designer and Liaison Bill Keith - who has barely slept all week to make sure that the hall looked spectacular - and spectacular it was!

The theme of the event was 'A Garden of Wealth and Protection' and Bill achieved this by bringing lots of green plants and orchids which were strategically placed throughout the hall. A large water feature was created amidst rich greenery with a golden Dzambala statue within, which impressed many visitors.

Beautifully put together with Himalayan touches of traditional thangkas, skirtings and victory banners, the entire KL & Selangor Chinese Assembly Hall was transformed into an ethereal atmosphere of colours and lights. Flickering candles adorned every corner, from the entrance of the hall up to the balustrade of the upper balcony.

Each of Kechara's departments had its own area, decorated with its individual and unique style. Kechara Media & Publications had a turquoise carpet, in synch with the colour of its logo. I even brought over my Bill Keith turquoise jacket which Bill designed and tailored for our London Book Fair trip last April!

We had a steady stream of visitors all day - from the moment the doors opened at 11am, all Kechara volunteers and staff have been talking, talking, talking about our departments and our organisation. In between, there were lovely pujas to clear obstacles for the New Year and for the hungry, there was a plentiful buffet provided by Kechara Oasis - vegetarian of course.

Today is also the funeral of one of my dearest friend's mother. I desperately wanted to attend the funeral but with what I know about Dharma, it would be more beneficial to her if I was to dedicate the merits from these two days to her good and swift rebirth, and to my friend's happiness and peace of mind.

The Care of my Guru

2010-01-11T00:29:00.002+08:00

I've been sick with flu and Tsem Tulku Rinpoche smsed me as soon as he heard, asking if he can do anything. And before i knew it, a flask of herbal tea was on its way. My Guru is so extremely kind. He's so incredibly busy and yet he always takes a moment out for his students - and it's not that i'm special - he does that for all his students. Amazing. May i be able to care for others like Rinpoche.

The History of Wealth Vases

2010-01-05T22:31:00.008+08:00

Time flies so fast... I've been to Penang for Christmas, Singapore for New Year, with a day in KL in between. Sean has started secondary school and goes to school via taxi, which relieves me to not have to leave the office during the day.

At KMP, we've had a book launch for If Not Now, When - the Peace edition at MPH Bookstore, 1Utama Shopping Centre, book signing by Jamie and David at KP outlets today, and several fabulous Dharma talks from H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, the latest of which was last night. KMP had gone over to Ladrang to have a meeting with the Kechara Paradise Outlets staff and e-Division to discuss promotional issues at 11pm. Why so late? Because the outlets at the malls, 1Utama and Sunway Pyramid, only shut at 10pm, so meetings involving the outlets usually only happen around 11pm.

Anyway, Rinpoche rang me during the break and told me to ask everyone to take a look at the wealth vases which he was sending down. And wow... three gorgeous wealth vases came down - in three different sizes, encased in glass and looked like they were floating on a sea of pearls. Rinpoche then came down and gave a fantastic introduction to wealth vases.

The concept of wealth vases seem to contradict Dharma in that Dharma is about renunciation so why would monks make these items to attract wealth? The monasteries made wealth boxes so that they could have enough financial resources to be able to carry out Dharma. The purpose of having a wealth vase nowadays is the same as the original objective of Atisha, who started this tradition - to provide resources for the growth of Dharma. If we would like funds to sponsor our Dharma work, the wealth vase will do its job. However, if we request for funds which will sink us deeper in samsara, logically, the Buddhas will not help us.

Rinpoche gave a brief background of the lineage of the wealth boxes. He explained that when Lama Atisha, the great Kadampa saint, came to Tibet from India, Tibet was a very barren land. As Atisha was a pioneer in Buddhism, it was difficult to get resources to build monasteries and support the Sangha. Atisha had achieved 3rd stage Bodhisattvahood, which meant that he could perceive deities directly and converse with them. His Yidam was the Bodhisattva Tara, and Tara advised him to make wealth boxes.

With these wealth boxes, Atisha was able to attract enough financial resources to create a strong foundation for the growth of Dharma. Atisha passed down the lineage of creating these wealth boxes to all four schools of Tibetan Buddhism, which continues till today. The KEY to activating these wealth vases are our motivation.

These wealth boxes are called Yang Kam (Yang means wealth and Kam means box in Tibetan). They could be any size - some like a small cupboard or as big as a room. These boxes should not face a window or door, and could only be opened once a year to change or add to the items in the box. The boxes, once put in place, should also not be moved. The outer casing can be made out of any material, such as wood, glass, metal, though like all offerings to the Buddha, the better the material the better. Popular colours for the wealth box are gold, silver, white.Within the wealth box, there are 3 shelves. Usually there are 2, but Rinpoche said he prefers to have 3, so I'll go with 3.

There are two hooks on either side of the box on the top shelf. These hooks are to hang 2 bags separately. 1 bag is full of personal items from successful and people who have high achievements, such as Ministers, Celebrities, powerful people, the elderly and High Lamas. It is a Tibetan tradition to ask for a token from these people for their wealth boxes. The Tibetans would immediately know what you are requesting for, though non-Tibetans may wonder if you want a personal item to put a charm or black magic on them!

This bag of personal items represents wealth. The second bag is filled with jewelry, bought by ourselves. It does not have to be real jewelry - just whatever we can afford and would like to offer. The contents of these two bags are not to be changed but can be added to. If the items are too much, you can change to bigger bags.

Rinpoche explained that inside the wealth box, we place at least one wealth vase on the top shelf. There are different types of wealth vases - the most popular being Namse, Dzambala, Setrap, Tara, Mahakala (four-faced) and White Mahakala. The vases represent the deities themselves. As such, they are very holy items.

In the wealth box are several items:

1. Two containers - not to be changed but can be added to:
i) One of sacred earth and stones - which contains earth from holy places, like Bodhgaya, Nepal, from monasteries like Gaden etc.
ii) Another holding holy water from sacred lakes and rivers. The earth and water can come from any countries overseas too. As water evaporates easily, we place salt inside the container and then add the water to it. The salt absorbs the water and represents the sacred water.

3. Tormas (ritual cakes), represented by 4 containers of biscuits - to be changed yearly:
i) Yidam ii) Yidam's entourage iii) Deity iv) Deity's entourage

4. Sensory Offerings (total of 23 offerings)
i) 8 x Sensory Offerings to the Yidam
ii) 8 x Sensory Offerings to the Deity
iii) 7 x Wrathful Offerings

5. An arrow, usually wrapped in 5 colours, to attract wealth

Other items that can be placed in the wealth box are:
i) Animal figurines ii) 8 Auspicious Signs iii) 7 Royal Emblems iv) Pictures - preferably framed - of deities and High Lamas v) Brocades/Silks vi) Extra Biscuits vii) Medicines/Vitamins/Herbs

So that's the history behind the wealth box.

Rinpoche's glass casing with pearls is a modern equivalent to the wealth box. There are no special instructions with the wealth vase box - it can be near a window, door etc. It is designed from the kindness of the Lama to suit our busy, modern lives. It's clean, respectful, creates awareness, generates merit and activates the deity's energies.

Absolutely Fabulous!! Thank you Rinpoche for so passionately sharing knowledge as always.

An Amazing weekend (Sunday)

2009-12-21T10:15:00.002+08:00

On Sunday, we woke up early as Susan had a Lamrim meeting with Thierry, Lili and Sarah at KLCC. I can think of worse places to have a meeting. While they had their meeting, I madly scoured KLCC for Christmas gifts.

What do you get a man who has everything. Yes, I was shopping for my dad. He likes gadgets and cars (real ones, not matchbox). He also likes snacks so I got him some snacks from Marks & Spencer.

In the afternoon, I was leading the Manjushri class, which was coincidentally about relationships. I decided to use Rinpoche's talk the previous day which I was still very enamoured by. It was quite a fun session as we discussed what makes relationships work and the men-are-from-mars-and-women-are-from-venus theory. Henry came in half way and said that Rinpoche asked him once whether in his next life he would rather be 1) married with kids 2) married without kids 3) a monk 4) gay! Henry said he chose 2 because he wouldn't wish to have children in his next life. That brought about another lively debate over why would we have children.

Immediately after Manjushri class, Susan and I had an audience with Rinpoche so we dashed over to the ladrang. We had no idea what the audience was about and were shocked (pleasantly) when Rinpoche kindly offered us a very personal gift! I won't comment on it here but Rinpoche is always incredibly generous and considerate for his Dharma students. Incredible. Really incredible.

May I be like him and repay his kindness by becoming a better person. Can you imagine - he always does so much for us and ALL he wants is for us to be better people? Incredible.

We left the ladrang around 6pm and met up with Jamie for dinner at Yogi Tree, Midvalley, then watched Avatar in 3D! I really enjoyed it though it's had some scathing reviews. Beautiful images. It's a good analogy to what we are doing to our planet - destroying the environment for money. How stupid can humans get. It's literally suicide - I guess it's like smoking. The smoker knows it's bad for him but he still can't stop because of the instant gratification. We never think about the future. Go look at the karma diagram, dude!!!

Anyway, that's my amazing weekend.

Thank you Rinpoche for allowing me the privilege of working with you, experiencing Dharma and really seeing how Dharma makes our lives better.

This weekend, I manned a KMP stand, attended a Christmas party, did a school run, some shopping, gave a Dharma class, met with a Buddha, had a nice dinner and watched a movie! What a perfect life - who says Dharma can't be fun!

An Amazing weekend (Saturday)

2009-12-21T09:41:00.008+08:00

What an amazing weekend. Actually, it's always pretty amazing in Kechara land. Never a dull moment. I woke up early on Saturday morning to send Sean to school for his compulsory orientation camp, then picked up Susan at KL Sentral as we were going to attend Suzan and Simon's wedding blessing by H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche at Kechara House.

Rinpoche gave an absolutely fantastic speech about marriage. He listed the following key ingredients to a successful marriage:

1. Be faithful. We should be faithful because we chose our partners ourselves. In most cases, we chose them freely ourselves. No one forced us to choose this particular partner to have a relationship with or marry. At the beginning of the relationship, there were certain qualities about our partners which we were attracted to. We should always think about these qualities, and especially in difficult times; thinking on these qualities will help us overcome the difficult times.

If we are not faithful, we create mistrust. If we have mistrust in our relationship, it will affect our children.

2. Defend and support our partners. When our partners have difficulties, we should always support them. We should never feel tired and let them feel abandoned or alone. We should be the first to step up and listen to them and support them. Sometimes we cannot solve the problem but just being there will make a big difference to them.

Always let people see the good side of our partners and never talk negatively about our partners to outsiders. Don't air our dirty laundry outside. This really made sense to me - why would we want people to think negatively about our partners - because that would be the effect of our negative talk. After you vent, then you make up with your partner, the impression you leave with the person you bitched to remains. Rinpoche said - instead of saying negative things, say positive things about your partner. Tell people their good qualities. This is good training to see the positive side of partners and people in general.

We should never mentally hurt our partners - never use our body, speech and mind to hurt them and we should never go to sleep with a problem lingering.

3. Improve on the weaknesses in ourselves for our partners. I loved this point too. We shouldn't expect our partners to change for us. WE change for our partners. This turns on its head the usual expectation for our partners to be better people - if only he/she did this... if only he/she didn't do this... why not WE do it :) i love it!

We should always improve ourselves so we can be the best person for our partners. And the best thing is that, usually, our partners will reciprocate.

4. Respect each other's beliefs and culture. Rinpoche said that we all come from different beliefs and cultural backgrounds. Even people in the same family find it difficult to get along, let alone two people from different families and backgrounds. If your partner finds something fulfilling to do, let them do it. If you stop them from doing something they like, it's selfish. Of course it's on the basis that what they want to do is a positive activity, e.g. if they like to play golf everyday and neglect work or family, that is not something to be encouraged! However, if they like to do community service, or pursue spiritual development, we should encourage them and not stop them because we feel neglected. Examine if our motivation is selfish.

5. Share. We should share everything with our partners. Finance, food, whatever we have and we should never take advantage.

6. Keep promises. Whatever we have promised, we should do. This will give confidence to our partners. And if we are unable to fulfil a certain promise, we should sit our partners down to explain why we were unable to do them and perhaps even seek support to be able to do it.

After the blessing ceremony, we had a reception at KH2, catered by Kechara Oasis (of course)! The decor and the reception was all sponsored by Tsem Ladrang. Rinpoche is always so incredibly generous and kind to his students. Rinpoche, through his consistent compassion, integrity and tremendous hard work, has also gained incredible sponsors who understand and support Rinpoche's actions.

Around 4pm, I had to rush off to pick Sean up from school. The traffic jam was terrible and I wondered again whether to get a scooter to take Sean to school. There is no school bus available and I'm torn whether to hire a driver (can't really afford it), hire a taxi (I'm not sure if it's trustworthy) or buy a scooter to take him back and forth. The latter is the least attractive because as I am now working full-time, it is going to be inconvenient to take off in the mid-afternoon to fetch the monster.

Anyway, I'll continue to ruminate.

That evening, Sean, Susan and I were at PJLA to man the KMP stand at the Legend of the Conch Shell. I had made a huge oversight. Su had invited Sean and I over for Christmas dinner and I had accepted a few weeks ago. For some odd reason, I forgot to put it in my diary and on Saturday itself, she smsed to ask if I needed directions. I had that 'Psycho' moment with the 'shower scene' music flashing in my head. Sh*t!!! I was on duty at PJLA that evening so I couldn't go - and she had specially cooked vegetarian dish for us. I felt horrendous. How irresponsible. She was very gracious and asked us to come over after the show.

It was the finale of the Tsongkhapa show and it was a full house. I peeped in and out but Sean watched it again and said it was better than the Premiere night. It is still pretty mind-blowing that Kechara could organise a show like that.

By the time we got to Su's party, it was around 11pm and the party was wrapping up. We helped ourselves to the lovely food and drink though (and wore the antlers!) and stayed until around 12.30am by which time I was pretty knackered so we excused ourselves, went home and knocked out.

Karma

2009-12-19T15:00:00.003+08:00

This diagram was created by H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche to show us in a very simple and direct way how our choices lead us to certain results.

From the left side of the diagram, we can see that we are all subject to negative karma, good karma/merits and neutral karma. The blue line is the negative karma path, the black line is the good karma path and the red line is the neutral karma path.

The diagram essentially illustrates that everyday we are faced with choices, and every action (or lack of it) has a result. If we put in positive action, such as effort, Dharma work etc., we will have positive results. If we put in negative action, such as laziness, selfishness etc., we will have negative results.

Simple really, isn't it.

Rinpoche stressed - every day, we are at a crossroads. We choose which path we wish to take, so we should not be surprised at the results. He also shared that even though the day before we screwed up and made mistakes, today is a new day and we can still change our future by the choices we make today. For example, if we forgot to say our prayers the day before, we don't just stop doing them, we just continue today. Often we try to change our pattern of behaviour, eg stop smoking, exercise more etc but once we 'fall off the wagon', we just stop. That's just giving up. We should persevere. Even if we fall off the wagon, we can simply climb back on and keep on going.

Great stuff.

Legend of the Conch Shell

2009-12-18T14:32:00.008+08:00

On 17th December, another milestone was achieved by Kechara as it staged its first ever stage performance of the life story of Lama Tsongkhapa. Descriptively entitled 'Legend of the Conch Shell', the show was a triumph of talent and determination. After months of gruelling rehearsals by professional dancers and virgin (for stage anyway) volunteers, the show premiered to rave reviews.

Lee Swee Keong, a renowned dance performer, played the central role of Lama Tsongkhapa, while Edward, the ten year old son of Liaison Henry Ooi, played his first stage role as the young Tsongkhapa. The show was narrated in Mandarin with English subtitles (thank goodness for the linguistically challenged like me) and though the set was minimalistic, the effects were well done and I could see that the minimal budget had definitely been maximised.

H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche graced the premiere and at the end, he gave a fabulous teaching on harmony and respecting each other's cultures and religions. By learning about each other's religion and culture, we understand each other better, and when we understand each other better, there will be more harmony. He stated unequivocably that all faiths were good and none were better than the other. He reiterated that although he was a Buddhist monk, he was not there to convert anyone to Buddhism but he wished to encourage everyone to stay in their respective religions but be better practitioners.

My guest, Ann Woo, who is the current Executive Director of the Nanyang Press Foundation, is a staunch Catholic, in the true sense of the word. While she worships God, she supports universal religions and was extremely supportive of what Rinpoche said in his speech that evening.

There was much feedback from many that they enjoyed the performance, with even a suggestion that we take the show to London! Hmmmmm....

Anyway, the show only runs for three days (four shows) but it will live on in our memories for a long, long time. What a way to reach out to people and share this powerful story of the great Buddhist saint, Lama Tsongkhapa!

Timeout KL listing

Be a Vajrayogini practitioner

2009-12-11T01:48:00.001+08:00

Watch this video of H.E. Tsem Tulku on how to be a Vajrayogini practitioner, which he gave at the marathon meeting!

Marathon Meeting

2009-12-10T23:52:00.004+08:00

This week flew by amazingly. Susan, Sean and I were in Penang over the weekend for Sean's 12th birthday, then to attend my cousin's daughter's wedding dinner on Sunday night. Immediately after the wedding party, we drove back to KL, arriving at about 4am. After a quick sleep, it was time to go to Ladrang for the Liaisons' Council's first meeting with Rinpoche.

We were supposed to start early so that the meeting wouldn't end too late, so the meeting was slated to start at 2pm. The meeting eventually paused around 7am - of course there were a few breaks - with amazing refreshments conjured up by the Ladrang kitchen - but there were still items to discuss so we proceeded the following evening... in total, we had over 30 hours of meeting, including updates on all twelve departments of the Kechara Buddhist organisation, discussions on the future expansion of the organisation and the highlights being the stunning Dharma talks given by H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.

Rinpoche gave a startlingly clear talk on our good and bad karma, and how every day, every minute, we CHOOSE to activate either our good or bad karma with the choices we make. We have both good and bad karma which are dormant - and our actions will trigger the opening of either one. No one else is responsible for what happens to us except ourselves. Everything good or bad that happens to us now is a result of what we did in the past. Everything good or bad that happens to us in the future is the result of what we do today. We are in control. How empowering, don't you think?

At the end of the meeting, the Liaisons' Council elected two new members to the Council - Phng Li Kim, Head of Kechara Media & Publications, as an Associate Liaison, and David Lai as an Apprentice Liaison.

Some people may wonder why meetings take so long. It's simple really. It's because we just don't have enough time. There is so much to do and we just can't wait! The Liaisons Council and Heads of Department meetings are now so dynamic and exciting and fun, the time passes by so quickly. Rinpoche leads the meetings with unending energy and passion, inspiring all of us to push ourselves to do more to benefit others. I feel so fortunate to be part of this central group which drives the growth of the organisation, which has the privilege of working closely with such a great being as Tsem Rinpoche and the opportunity to fulfil his vision to benefit many.

Garuda passes on...

2009-11-22T19:27:00.002+08:00

Shin, from Tsem Ladrang, let us know that Garuda passed away yesterday (21 November)... we were of course sad.. because Garuda had looked well and flying around when we visited him at Ladrang on Friday (20 Nov). Garuda was going to be released at the next animal liberation event, together with Itchy and Scratchy (the other two sparrows rescued by Ladrang) and we were happy about that.

Impermanence.

At least Garuda received some blessings from being in the Ladrang for the last couple of days of his life... May Garuda have a good and swift rebirth...

A garuda flies in

2009-11-19T15:48:00.003+08:00

Judy came back up to our office this afternoon, clutching a tiny bundle of feathers. A baby bird had fallen down from the shutters when she was closing it.

Susan, our ever ready animal saviour, ran off to our jolly neighbourhood Doctor, Dr. Leong, to get a syringe to feed the wee thing.

A dose of glucose water later, Garuda (our temporary name for the bird) seemed a bit more relaxed. Its wing was hurt so we'll take it to Ladrang afterwards to see whether it would like to be with Itch and Scratchy, the other two rescued baby birds from the Ladrang.

Never a dull moment.

A Night at the Ladrang - giving gifts, Rinpoche-style

2009-11-03T08:26:00.005+08:00

It was 11.30pm when Su Ming called. I had had a headache earlier and skipped dinner, trading it in for a nap instead. By 11.30, I was well and ready to go to sleep. Su Ming called and asked where Susan and I were (we were at home) and if Susan and I had any major appointments the next day (we didn't) and if we'd like to come over to the New Ladrang at 12.30am (of course!).

We hadn't had an all nighter with Rinpoche for awhile and I was looking forward to it. Especially in the New Ladrang. A Ladrang is a Tibetan High Lama's household and administrative centre. Traditionally, the growth of a whole monastery hinges on a few large, well run and well supported Ladrangs.

In Malaysia, where Tibetan Buddhism is still very much in its pioneering stage, a Ladrang is extremely rare (personally I am not aware of any other Ladrang in Malaysia) as there are no High Lamas in residence and there is no mass Buddhist consciousness to support it.

HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's ladrang is purely to serve others without personal agenda. As the Headquarters of the Kechara Buddhist organisation, the Ladrang supports all 12 departments and as the previous Ladrang was bursting at the seams, a new Ladrang had manifested from Rinpoche's consistent commitment to the Dharma, the hard work of the Ladrang Liaisons and its supporters.

After many months of renovations, the Ladrang was almost ready for occupation and last night (or earlier this morning, rather) several of Rinpoche's students and I had the opportunity to see one of the departments - the Gift department - of the Ladrang in action.

When we gathered in the Gift department, which is a single room, filled from floor to ceiling with gifts, Rinpoche gave a short Dharma talk on the growth of our organisation. He said that as we grow more, our responsibilities will increase and so should our humility. Each of our departments have the capacity to grow and the secret to our future growth was to take responsibility for our work and to not have to be reminded of our responsibilities or of anything we have committed to do. To be harmonious and to care for each other.

Rinpoche then selected gifts with his tireless troop of Ladrang elves, carefully picking out beautiful statues, precious malas (prayer beads), stacks of Dharma books, DVDs, glossy posters, Buddha pendants, t-shirts and caps with Buddhist designs. The gifts were to go to various people from all over the world, who had written to Rinpoche with a sincere wish to learn more Dharma.

He made prayers over them that whoever receives the gifts would open their hearts and minds to the Dharma. The Gift Department of Tsem Ladrang, headed by Liaison Su Ming and her assistant, Kennie Wong, works extremely hard to present the gifts well and they spend thousands on postage and courier fees all round the world to connect people with the Dharma.

At around 5.30am, Rinpoche led us through dedicational prayers and we moved to the dining hall, where we enjoyed a light supper prepared by the Ladrang kitchen. As we relaxed with casual conversation and jokes, it really was a supreme evening - with my extraordinary Guru, and among my Dharma brothers and sisters.

Dr. Marcus Lim Chung Ching, RIP

2009-10-25T21:16:00.009+08:00

Marcus Lim - better known to me as Chung Ching - was my cousin. He was the same age as my youngest brother Steen, being only a day apart in their birthdays. Yesterday, on the birthday of my Guru, H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, Chung Ching passed away in a tragic scuba diving accident.

I must say I didn't know Chung Ching very well. The age difference meant that he was closer to my younger brothers. My earliest memory of him was as a young chubby boy who always studied hard. I remember my mother telling me that Chung Ching never had to be told to study - he'd always get his homework done on his own. When he got older, I knew he always studied hard and played hard - and I really respected and admired him for that.

He schooled at Winchester, one of the top schools in UK, and graduated in Medicine at Downing, Cambridge University. While at Cambridge, he represented the University for tennis and polo. I recall he even played at junior Wimbledon at some stage. Not satisfied with being a doctor, he also took an MBA at the London Business School. It seemed like he always excelled at whatever he chose to do.

When he was not performing cataract and refractive surgery, Chung Ching enjoyed taking stunning photographs on land and underwater. His photography has been exhibited in local and international exhibitions and appeared in books and magazines. An image of a sealion won him an award in the European Nature Photographer of the Year Competition in 2008. You can see some of his photography (also here on smugmug) online.

He recently donated some of his beautiful photographs to If Not Now, When?, a book of inspirational quotes by H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, published by Kechara Media & Publications in September 2009.

He leaves his widow, Christy, his young son Jaden and a baby boy, Tristan, who is about to be born at any time. He also leaves his mother, brother and sister and so many friends who perhaps only had the opportunity to see facets of him and not the whole amazing picture of the man that he was.

In his next life, Chung Ching had jokingly said that he would like to be a professional nature photographer! Chung Ching, I don't know where your next life will lead you, but I pray that you will have a good and swift human rebirth. From your generous support of the Dharma, you have created the causes for such a high incarnate Lama as H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche to make prayers for you.

RIP Chung Ching. You will be sadly missed by many and remembered always for the star that you are.

Experimenting with tweetmeme

2009-10-20T18:27:00.004+08:00

Old dogs can learn new tricks (says hopefully). I'm trying this new script which promises to allow people to retweet my posts...

Interesting concept to reach out to more people.. let's see if it works :)

If it does, try it yourself - at Tweetmeme

Here goes...

Celebrations - by HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche (and my rambling note at the end)

2009-10-06T13:28:00.004+08:00

"Every culture attaches great importance to their cultural holidays. I myself don’t attach any importance to holidays & birthdays per se. I find that it is all timings created and reinforced by ordinary people that ultimately has no tangibility.

But it is different for other people where they have a projected firm view that these days are very important so we go along with them to send them a message of love... thus special holidays can be a time to express love, appreciation, care & thanks.

Giving during these holidays is to help us break self absorption and miserliness. It gives us a chance to express how we feel with toward these people with tangibility."

This was Rinpoche's sharing today - it reminds me of how my own perceptions of special days would create my own suffering. My ex-husband never cared for so-called special days, like Valentines' days, birthdays etc, seeing them all as commercial. I remember being utterly distraught when he forgot our first year's wedding anniversary, and I had been planning for weeks on gifts and what to do for him... surreptitiously of course.

I was only 22 then, having gotten married at 21, and deeply 'romantic' - i say romantic in inverted commas because i think i had a pretty skewed view of romance. i.e it was pretty much hallmark romance i hankered after. I desperately wanted the fairytale and in that obsession, overlooked the kindness and care he had for me.

My obsession led me to wander from the safe comfort of my marriage - to seek for elusive 'romance' elsewhere.. I've literally 'been to Paradise, but I've never been to me'.

I then fell in love once with someone who quoted Shakespeare and e.e. cummings, who claimed to have a first edition of Peter Pan for my son. Who could sing like a lark. Who turned out not to have been entirely truthful with me. So much for romance.

Thank Buddha that I have found Dharma now... and to realise that i can never achieve the illusion my mind has been conjuring up for me since I can remember.

But there's still a gap between what the mind knows and the heart wants, and sometimes, just sometimes, when i hear a love ballad, on the radio, in a mall, and my heart aches and yearns.

So i take out my huge big ego hammer out and whack it over the head til there's no feelings left. That usually works.

Talk about self absorption! :)

Setrap Puja

2009-10-06T01:30:00.003+08:00

This evening was the first time we used the new Shartse's Jewel at Setrap Puja. It was rather lovely to use the new prayer book, and put our lovely new Setrap tsa tsas (produced by Kechara Discovery!) on the Setrap altar to be blessed by the puja. I always enjoy Setrap Puja, and today would have been especially meaningful with the inaugural use of the revised Shartse's Jewel, however, today's puja was meaningful in a different way.

My friend Beng Siang had visited KMP earlier today to get a couple of Setrap box sets and Peace books when she told me about her father who was ill with cancer, with around two months more to live. He was existing on a permanent drip of morphine now to take away the pain. I was glad to be able to dedicate the evening's Setrap puja to her father, Mr. Teh Ching Hua... may his suffering become less and his negativities all be purified for a good rebirth.

Healing by HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

2009-10-05T12:47:00.003+08:00

One of HE's recent tweets. Follow him on twitter at twitter.com/tsemtulku.

While doing any of the healing arts such as massage, therapy, medicine, etc, it would MORE EFFECTIVE if we did any practices to any of the Buddhas of Healing. Eg Loma Gyonma, White Tara, Long Life Tsongkapa, Medicine Buddha, Hayagriva, Black Manjushri,Amitayus, Namgyalma.

It depends which one we have affinity with.

If we do these practices before healing others, then our healing energies would be multiplied GREATLY. The great doctors in Tibet would always do one of these practices first thing in morning, with the altruistic concern of the patients in mind and then proceed with their healing.

The results are different for both patients and healer. So any of these practices are highly recommended for generous people in the healing line of work. If we can be more effective as a healer, THEN WHY NOT.

These practices tap into our own healing powers and magnifies them. How much they magnify depends on your practice and altruistic motivation. Even if your motivation is not that perfect, it will still have effect. Someone with an umbrella can still benefit from sunlight as the sun shines on all without bias. So of course without the umbrella, there would be the full benefit of the sun.

Similar to that example, even without perfect motivation, these healing practices would be very effective. Any of these practices can bless the oils we use for massage, creams, ointments, medications. Doing these practices would empower the medicine tremendously. With these practices, we can even bless the room in which the healing will take place. It's good for you to actually do the practice.

Why? If I eat, u won't get full.

So all healer friends, look into these practices as they can be beneficial to the environment, medicine, patients & yourself. - HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

My Favourite Boy

2009-09-28T19:33:00.003+08:00

David is my most favourite boy in Kechara Media & Publications. Ok, so he's the only boy but he really is one of my favourite people here. It didn't start out that way though. When I first met him, he didn't make an impression. He mostly kept to himself and we didn't talk much. Then when I started to work with him and had to edit and proofread his writings, he started to grate at me. He was mostly pleasant though - though sometimes petulant. I just couldn't get why and how he was so careless with his writing - many spelling errors and simple mistakes that I shocked me.

He spent most of his time in Ladrang with Rinpoche, called away at a moment's notice, so at KMP it was also difficult to rely on him to do work according to particular timelines. Eventually, we just resigned ourselves to the fact that he was simply using KMP as a waiting room while he rested between being called to Ladrang.

Things came to a head this year, when Rinpoche wanted to streamline KMP. We went through a rough patch when we sat David down and asked him what he wanted to do. He looked petulant and said he wanted to do anything that was mindless. What do you have a passion for, I asked him desperately.

Nothing, he simply replied.

I gnashed my teeth in frustration. How can one have a passion for nothing? But that was exactly what he really wanted to do. Nothing.

Would you prefer to be elsewhere, David? I finally asked.

He thought about it and replied no. He wanted to be in KMP, he said. There was nowhere else for him to go.

In that moment, all my frustration melted away.

When we had the meeting with Rinpoche to discuss the streamlining of KMP, we requested for David to stay with us. Fortunately, David stayed.

Since then, it was as if the old David died and a new one was reborn.

It wasn't instant or overnight, but slowly, over days and weeks, David changed.

His mood became positive. He started writing. He spoke up at meetings and his advice was usually sound. He started to share his knowledge - and he knew a LOT! All the hours and hours and hours spent with Rinpoche finally fruitioned and David became a wonderful, participative member of KMP.

He helped out whenever asked, ferrying and carrying (as he was the only boy) KMP books from storerooms to cars to outlets to everywhere. Now, I can't even remember what his black face looks like.

David is off to Nepal for a couple of weeks tomorrow.

I'll miss him :(

Love you lots, David, and I'm very proud of you. And I'm very proud to work with you.

Sean's reflections

2009-09-28T16:04:00.001+08:00

On Saturday night, Sean and I had dinner with my father so we were late to the Lantern Festival at Kechara House and the lantern making session and kids' performance were over.

Sean said a bit petulantly, "Lucky I missed the show.", which I thought was very rude so I told him to write to me why he said that and why he shouldn't say that.

Other than that, i didn't give him any guidance as I wanted him to think about it. Below was his reply. Quite cute. I'm glad he is internalising some Dharma..

Sean's email:
The reason why I said these words: “Lucky I missed the show” last night is that I was actually jealous that the rest of the kids could have so much fun together whereas I did not and I was very depressed that I missed so much of the Lantern Festival event that I was waiting to have fun in for a very long time and I did not manage to make a lantern…

The reasons why I should not say these words are:

1. It sounds offensive to the other people who might have been there
2. It is bad to be jealous .
3. Makes oneself sound very “oh,poor me..”
4. It does not sound good .

Gone - in an instant

2009-09-08T17:28:00.003+08:00

Today, my father rang up to tell me that one of his office staff, Khoo, had been run over by a motorcyclist and died.

I didn't know Khoo well but I remember that when I was small - about 6 or 7 years old - he used to take me across the street to the store to buy comics and sweets. I remember him as a kindly man, who didn't say much. I hardly go to my father's office these days - but if I visited, it was usually a fleeting visit and I'd just nod to him as he sat in the front office. He had been sitting at the same desk for as long as I remember, and I guess I thought that he'd always be there - immortal.

My father said that they were surprised that Khoo hadn't come to work this morning and they called up hospitals to see if he was there. And he was. My father said Khoo was 80 years old. I was quite shocked. How can he be 80? He didn't look 80 to me the last time I saw him. And if he was 80, what was he doing still working? My father then told me that he actually didn't do any work, but he needed the money, because he lived alone. So he just came to work everyday and got a salary.

And just in an instant, he's gone.

It makes me sad to think of his life - what has he been doing for the past 80 years. And how it would have benefited him for his next life.

Decisions

2009-08-04T16:34:00.000+08:00

IPhone or Blackberry? Blackberry Storm or Bold or even the Curve? Or should I stick with Nokia? After months of agonizing, I finally I bought myself a Blackberry – the Storm. Why the Blackberry? Because I was told that it was more for work while the iPhone is more for entertainment. And I bought the Blackberry Storm. Why the Storm? Because after careful consideration all these months, on the day I decided to buy my Blackberry, all the other models were out of stock. Yes, this is how I make decisions.

Time flies...

2009-04-17T18:54:00.003+08:00

The days have simply flown past. Mostly spent in Joan's cosy living room, madly pounding our keyboards or putting the postcards with Rinpoche's quotes into the lovely wooden frames which Lily ordered for us.

On Wednesday, after finishing preparations for the launch, we managed to pop out in the afternoon. I had to go get some money from Abbey while the others went to Oxford St. I had wanted to take Bill to see Liberty's and asked them to meet up but he had a migraine, Yek Yee's shoes were ripped and Ms Han was feeling tired. We still went to Liberty's though and had a quick tour. We then went to Queensway for dinner at Magic Wok before heading back.

Yesterday evening was spent trawling Soho, looking for Busaba, where Gabrielle, my niece, said she was working. But when i got there, they said she wasn't working there anymore! Oh well. I'll try to meet up with her on Saturday. Busaba looked popular though, with a queue round the block! Amazing. What recession? Sio Chian, Susan, Han and I ended up at a Scotch Steakhouse for dinner and got back early.

Today, JP and May arrive from KL and we have planned a lovely dinner tonight at Joan's.

More later.

First day in London...

2009-04-15T03:21:00.002+08:00

Flying Air Asia isn't that bad after all. Flight time was 1am Malaysian time which meant I just got on the plane and slept right through for almost 10 hours. The seats had an incredible way of reclining when you pressed on the button on the side of the chair but it would slowly move back up to the normal upright position. And the others on the trip seemed to have experienced the same thing so it wasn't just me.

The food was great though, even though I skipped the earlier meal because I slept through it! A cup of tea was RM3 though, which is a bit steep for a tea bag in a styrofoam cup of hot water but when you need a cuppa, you'd pay it!

We arrived at Stanted EARLY. Amazing. And we breezed through immigration and baggage reclaim. We met up with Jean Mei briefly as she whisked her mum, Ruby, off in a cab whilst the rest of us plebs (Susan, Sio Chian, Bill, Jamie, Han and Yek Yee) piled onto the Terravision bus. The bus was reasonably priced - GBP14 for Stansted-Victoria return while Jean Mei paid GBP25 for a one way to Stansted on National Express!

The bus also had a jolly driver who pointed out the sights as we trundled through London. The first timers, Bill, Han and Yek Yee, even had a glimpse of the Tower of London, Big Ben and we even got to go over Tower Bridge.

We arrived at Joan's lovely flat by 10.30am, which was quite amazing, timewise. Joan cooked a lovely minestrone and Bill prepared some bruchetta and we went off to see 11, Cadogan Gardens - the venue of our KMP celebration next week. It's a lovely quaint place near Sloane Square, with gilded frames and rich velvet.

Next stop was Piccadilly by bus, with our new oyster cards. We popped into Fortnum & Masons, a lovely department store and then to Hatchards, the oldest bookstore in London. As it started to drizzle, we decided to hop into Tesco for a few groceries and headed home.

My cough was still as bad as ever so Joan promptly dosed me up with some kind of three day wonder drug and I hope it will do the trick.

Tomorrow will be busy preparing for the book fair. It's 8.45pm in London now but 3.45am in Malaysia so I'm feeling a bit pooped... guess I'm going to hit the sack and hope my snoring doesn't keep Jamie awake!!

Dharma and Samsara

2009-03-31T15:41:00.003+08:00

My sister is currently visiting Malaysia after five years of being away. The only thing we have in common are blood ties. It used to be also a love for good food, but this has dropped in priority for me for awhile now. Especially as I am currently vegetarian.

My dear father even drove up from Penang to see his darling daughter and over dinner on Sunday, my dad asked me if my sister could see Rinpoche the next day. I was pleased but it's not that easy, I explained. You have to request if you want to see Rinpoche. Rinpoche has thousands of requests evey day to see him. What is the purpose of seeing him? My sister didn't look very interested anyway, prefering to focus on her foie gras.

My heart sank. Rinpoche is so precious to me and my sister and dad just didn't understand or value who he is. Even though I would love nothing better for them to see Rinpoche, as they would get blessings merely from seeing him, I simply could not bring myself to request on their behalf because I felt my sister didn't even want to. Anyway, it was extremely unlikely for Rinpoche to be able to see them on such short notice.

Strangely enough, and there is no such thing as coincidence, at about 5ish the following day (yesterday), I received an sms saying Rinpoche was going to give a Dharma talk on Setrap that very evening. While extremely happy, I felt a deep heaviness in my heart that my sister wouldn't want to go. And her reasons would be that she has scheduled every mealtime every day in KL on where to eat her favourite foods. Also she had planned to meet her friend whom she hadn't seen for 5 years that night too. However I foolishly hoped.

My sister was sleeping when I went downstairs to see if she wanted to attend the Dharma talk. So I called my dad, who was busy looking at Ferraris somewhere near Batu Caves. My dad just said he didn't think he'd be back in time but we could go ahead. He also said my sister had arranged to meet her friend.

When my sister finally woke up, I asked her if she wanted to come. She looked as if I'd asked if she wanted to go to the dentist.

I had to walk off and gather my things because it was late and I did not yet have mastery over my emotions and I didn't want to show my disappointment. Eventually, I got my stuff together and decided to sit down and share with my sister - whatever you eat tonight, tomorrow it's gone. Your friend who you are meeting tonight, tomorrow she'll go back to her own life and what will you have tomorrow? Tonight is such a rare opportunity and Rinpoche doesn't give public talks often AT ALL.

She looked at me as if I was talking Croatian.

I left it.

I had a sense of failure - Rinpoche has often asked us if our families are in Dharma, if our children, our lovers, our good friends are in Dharma, and if not, it's because we haven't shown what benefit there is in Dharma.

At least I had some influence over Sean, and when I told him about the talk, he came happily, despite his greatest attachment which was also food! He didn't pull a black face or complain but just came. And he was wearing a Setrap T-shirt too!

Anyway, Rinpoche was fabulous as usual - lots more meat to add to my Setrap manuscript which I will be working on once I transition over the website stuff I am doing. I also enjoyed the drive home with Sean after the talk, when he kept asking me about Setrap and giving me a quiz!

Also, I had a realisation that I didn't even think twice about ditching dinner with my dad for the talk, to me - priority was mmediately going to the talk whereas a year ago, I might have wondered how I was going to juggle the Dharma and samsara.

Today, I had a lunch with my dad and sister - I asked my sister, where do you see yourself in five years time. She said she didn't think about it because it was too far ahead. So I said how about in one year's time. She said nowhere and promptly continued eating her cheese fondue.

I really didn't know what to say or even how to help her. How to help someone who doesn't even know they need helping. It's like they're walking in excrement and I want to tell them, you don't have to walk there, you can walk here - it's clean and nice, but they say no thanks, I like walking here. It's perfectly fine.

It was a mere taster of what Rinpoche deals with on a daily basis - we only have a mere glimpse of what people are missing out on.. Rinpoche can see it loud and clear. What must it be like for Rinpoche to see how all of us, out of our sheer stupidity, refuse to change and cling onto our habituations and negativities. He can already see ourresults as we blissfully and ignorantly create the causes.

The only way to help bring others to the Dharma is, as Rinpoche says, to simply work harder to transform ourselves so that people will be inspired by us. If people are not inspired by us, it's our fault.

So I kicked myself up the ass and trundled back to work - and my Dharma family.

Shin hosts her own farewell dinner

2009-03-27T08:45:00.003+08:00

Shin hosted a 'farewell dinner' for KMP crew at Kechara Oasis (of course) on Weds 25 March. Everyone showed up - Joan, Judy, Jamie, June (so many 'J's), Han, Chris, Susan, Sio Chian (there are 4 'S's too including Shin and I!) Lanse, Yek Yee, David.. Shin started reminiscing about being the first full time staff at KMP and it was a nice wander down memory lane.

KMP started off with two guys, Joe and SP, in a rented room, madly burning DVDs and liaising with freelance writers, proofreaders, editors like Jamie, Andee and eventually myself. From there, we moved to another rented room in a house across the street, and eventually took over the whole premises. Shin was brought to Kechara by Wai Meng and she was invited to join KMP by Joe, who had become CEO of KMP.

However, Joe and Shin somehow worked at cross purposes and never the twain did meet. It was a case of different characters and personalities and many misunderstandings. However, thank Buddha that's all in the past.

We relived our first foray overseas at the Singapore Book Fair, which was the first real bonding experience for the team. This was initiated by Joe who had the great foresight that the experience would change our lives and it did!

Since those days, KMP has since changed premises, been almost shut down a few times, been almost assimilated into another department, been almost turned into a thangka shop, and fortunately, it's so far only 'almost' and we have survived.

Our staff turnover has been quite incredible, with a swapping of staff between ladrang and KMP - Joe and SP left KMP for the ladrang, Susan left the ladrang for KMP, Joey Wong left KMP awhile back and has just joined the e-Division at ladrang, JJ left KMP for ladrang and now Shin is also heading for ladrang. We've also recently had a few great additions to the team - Joan Foo Mahony as KMP advisor, Judy as our very capable admin and Dr Lanse as our part time Chinese translator.

We'll miss Shin as we miss all those who have left us but they are always with us in spirit and those who are in ladrang have not really left since we're all just one big family!

Liaisons Dinner with H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

2009-03-24T10:24:00.002+08:00

After the swearing in of new Apprentice Liaisons, Bill Keith and May Woo, we had a wonderful dinner get together with Rinpoche. As always, there was a great Dharma talk and you can see a snippet of it below:

Gift from the heart

2009-03-16T20:52:00.003+08:00

After a particularly harrowing few days, one day at the office, Jamie aka Paris asked me to close my eyes and put my hands out. I had no clue what she was going to give me - chocolate? I wondered.

No, it was a beautiful Tsongkhapa pendant!!!! It was the one I liked best of the pendants which Rinpoche showed us in the Ladrang awhile back. I was dumbfounded - how.. why?

It turned out that on Sunday evening (or early on Monday morning as is usually the case in the land of Ladrang), Rinpoche played the hunting game, this time everyone had to look for a coin. Jamie had said that if she found it, she would give it to me - and she did!! I was told that there were two coins which were hidden. She could continue to search for the other coin and hope to get two pendants - one for me and one for herself, but if she didn't find it, she would have to give up the first pendant. She decided not to risk it and sat out when the others hunted for the coin.

How sweet of Jamie... it was really the last thing I expected to see in my palms..

I'm so glad we're close - not just because of this gift of the pendant but it's really a pleasure to go to the office and work with people you like a lot!!!

Videos from our Nepal trip

2009-01-13T13:56:00.003+08:00

Intolerance

2008-10-23T15:32:00.003+08:00

I was driving home happily, when I asked Susan if she thought I was tolerant, very tolerant or intolerant. She replied that she thought I was intolerant though I thought I was very tolerant.

As usual, I didn't like it.

As usual, I brewed over it.

As usual, she was right.

I then wondered how I could become more tolerant. The answer was easy - to apply Rinpoche's teachings. It wasn't rocket science. I simply had to care more for others. To be more patient. To be more harmonious. To not let ego get in the way.

That's all.

Work in progress.

Nepal

2008-10-16T09:16:00.001+08:00

No number of superlatives can capture the five day experience I had in Nepal. I had wanted to visit this spiritual land for years, and to do so under the guidance of my Lama was an incredible privilege.

When I initially asked Ruby about this trip more than a year ago, it was meant to be a small group - maybe five people - and possibly Rinpoche. When we finally arrived in Kathmandu, we had 61 pilgrims on the trip! And, the whole of KMP (and KIM) was able to go! Even Howie, Ms Han's wonderful cameraman, came. And Joan, a long time friend of mine, who decided to cancel her appointments and busy schedule to come on this trip.

On the first day, we had an audience with a stunning White Tara statue. HH Trijang Rinpoche had said that if you could see only one holy site, you should see this one, so we did. We were even fortunate enough to receive her blessings as the temple caretaker let Rinpoche put the holy red powder on our foreheads.

Rinpoche at the White Tara Chapel

Susan and I were blessed!

We visited four holy Vajrayogini chapels, made extremely sacred and secret aspirational prayers at these sites with the deep wish to be able to do the powerful practice of this Diamond Dakini. We touched our hands to where Guru Rinpoche's handprint burned into the outside of the cave where he gained Enlightenment, and made prayers inside the cave.

Guru Rinpoche's handprint

We made prostrations and offered butterlamps at many sacred sites - at the self arising Tara at Pharping. Here an image of Tara had miraculously manifested out of a rock. The local people built a shelter around it and this has since evolved into a temple. Other images of Tara are emerging and it is said that eventually all 21 Taras will arise from this rock.

Self Arising Tara

Highlights of the journey included a night visit to Tilopa and Naropa's caves where they achieved attainments from meditation. One of the Vajrayogini holy sites we went to at Sankhu also contained the ashes of a Nepali lady who had achieved Vajrayogini. When I visited places like this, it made Enlightenment seem achievable and so tangible that I could almost touch it.

From caves to stupas to chapels to hilltops and valleys - we literally ran across from Kathmandu to its environs, bumping through potholed roads (I'll never complain about a pothole in Malaysia again!) - every moment was an experience which words do no justice. Thank Buddha I did the prostration retreat before this trip - it made me just a bit fitter, at least I'd like to think anyway.

Emotions swelled and tears welled at the most inopportune moments but no one really gave a damn because we were all so drunk by the spirituality that is infused in Nepal. The whole trip was amazingly well organised. It is no mean feat to bring 7 vans of us around the narrow Nepali roads. We even had to change hotel in mid trip! The only medical casualty was Yek Yee who twisted her ankle and the only item which was lost was Ruby's glasses. Not too bad in the overall scheme of things. The Protector must have been with us every step of the way.

The blessings of this whole journey was all due to the generous compassion of our Lama, who selflessly took this bunch of spiritual wannabes and tirelessly explained the significance of every holy site, leading us through prayers which have planted seeds that are now up to us to nurture and cultivate.

Final Dedications

2008-10-02T11:54:00.002+08:00

Wednesday night was our audience with Rinpoche when he would do the final dedications for our Prostration retreat with us. There was some nervous excitement in the air. A certain anxiety because on this day of all days, the Liaisons had received some disturbing news which would slow down Rinpoche's work. I was thinking that KMP really does have obstacles. KMP has been having so many obstacles to get an audience with Rinpoche and on this day of all days, when it should be a celebration of our Dharmic commitment and perseverence, there was a dark cloud in the corner of the sky. Everything is perception and we've learned that we should focus on the moment, not dwell on the past or future, so I decided to focus on the session at hand.

Rinpoche gave a splendid talk on sutra and tantra. He said that in ancient times, tantra was very secret. He then gave a brief background on how Buddha's sutra and tantra developed. In olden days, the rule of law was fairly inconstant in many kingdoms. When Kings changed, the laws usually changed. The only rules which tended to remain constant were those imposed by religion. Religious practices became beneficial to society as a moral policeman. There was actually a deeper spiritual meaning than just for establishing an ethical society, which was a only a side benefit of spiritual practice. However, this deeper meaning was often forgotten and only the focus on the rules remained.

In those days, there were lots of rules around religious practice; ladies couldn't pray when they were menstruating, you couldn't have sex during the full moon or near your Guru (the latter kind of made sense!), no anal or oral sex (so many rules about sex... strange) etc.

Buddha found that these 'rules' brought people a lot of suffering. People were focusing more on the rituals rather than the meanings, motivation or aspirations of spiritual practice.

So when Buddha wanted to teach, he skilfully introduced the Sutras, which was very much focused on the EXTERNAL. It was specially designed to appeal to the larger group who likes external rules. Up until today, Asians are very focused on the external, such as on etiquette and preservation of face.

The lower tantras and sutras have strict rules - these sutras are to be chanted at this time, practitioners can only eat this at this time, and what foods to eat or not to eat etc.

In the higher tantras, there are less rules as the focus is on the INTERNAL.

True tantric practitioners see you as you are. Rinpoche said that the immediate, not ultimate, objective of tantric practice is to 'blow your mind about what is right and wrong'. To blow all your concepts away to make your mind let go of what should or should not be.

Our minds are always so fixed. Even though I always prided (yes, the ego has landed) myself on being broad minded or open minded, Susan rightly pointed out to me the other day that I was NOT being broad minded or open minded because I was effectively judging those I deemed NOT open minded and I had felt superior to those who I thought was less open minded. Of course I didn't like it at the time, but when I contemplated on it, Susan was right.

Rinpoche added that the way we think things should be has made us depressed, lonely, greedy, angersome and jealous. All these emotions arise not from the object but from the subject and our subjective perception of the object. This is simply illustrated by comparing the perceptions of pork to different religions. To Jews, pork is anathema, but to the Chinese, a suckling pig would indicate a huge celebration or wedding. All these rules which have existed for years was fine when contained in each area throughout the ages. However, when the world opened up from technological advances which made travel easy, conflict arose from different points of view.

What concepts do we have to blow away, we may ask?
That we don't have to be sneaky to be happy.
That we don't have to hurt others to be happy.
That we don't have to protect ourselves to be happy.

then ultimately,
That we don't have to cherish ourselves to be happy.

To remove this self cherishing mind takes many lifetimes. When we start to go to that level of selflessness, tantric powers arise. These tantric powers are then put to use to help others.

We will develop great awareness, alertness, the ability to see things clearly because of great care. This will help us avert problems for others. This will help us not burden others. And yes, some people do have great awareness but they use it to steal and con others.

Tantric powers arise as an extension of care for others. Tantra is faster because it's more direct. A tantric Guru is more of a challenge to the students because the Guru will challenge your concepts and perceptions. People who get very happy also have a lot of fear. These emotions are two sides of the same coin. The intensity of feeling is the same. When we have great fear, it means we have a great ego.

Tantric practice is a direct method where the Guru will surface all our emotions; anger, jealousy, lust, animosity, confusion, happiness. The Tantric Guru will awaken your mind to see who you really are. Many students run because they don't want to face who they really are.

We now live in degenerate times and for me, at least, there's no time left for the slow path. I have humungous fears. A monumental ego. And I'm trying to chop it down as fast as I can before Rinpoche gets his vajra hands on it!

The Tantric Guru will press all my buttons to see who I really am out of great compassion. The Guru has great compassion because he or she has no fear for what us normal people usually hold dear - our reputations. Gurus courageously put themselves in the line of fire because they want to help those who may not want to help themselves. Not many people like to hear criticism, constructive or not. Not many people like to change, whether warranted or not.

All I know is my Guru will take me to Enlightenment, and I'll really try and make his job as easy as possible so he doesn't have to drag me to Nirvana, kicking and screaming!

Penultimate Day of Prostration retreat

2008-09-30T13:20:00.003+08:00

Today, we have (almost) finished our Prostration Retreat at Kechara House. After 10 weeks of prostrations without a break - some days, we did a few hundred, some days we did three, but everyday, we would make at least three prostrations. And finally, we have (almost) completed 100,000 as a group retreat.

I keep saying almost because tomorrow evening, we will be officially completing the retreat at Ladrang with Rinpoche. All the retreatants are quite excited about tomorrow. We are quite an excitable bunch anyway but to have the blessings of the Lama at the end of our retreat is stupendous.

The whole experience was quite amazing. We went through ups and downs - changes in personnel, changes in our office, personal changes etc. And we made it!

Eight Verses (again)

2008-09-26T14:06:00.003+08:00

Today I meditate on the Eight Verses (again)... focusing on slapping my ego down and giving the victory to others. In the end, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong but how to work together harmoniously. Especially in Dharma, I have to be more Dharmic. Sigh.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

In all actions I will learn to search into my mind
And as soon as an afflictive emotion arises
Endangering myself and others
Will firmly face and avert it.

I will learn to cherish all beings of bad nature
And those pressed by strong sins and sufferings
As if I had found a precious
Treasure very difficult to find.

When others out of jealousy treat me badly
With abuse, slander, and so on,
I will learn to take all loss
And offer the victory to them.

When one whom I have benefited with great hope
Unreasonably hurts me very badly,
I will learn to view that person
As an excellent spiritual guide.

That's why it's called practice.

Sigh.

Update on Prostration retreat

2008-09-25T16:23:00.003+08:00

It's our 10th week of prostrations, and our total so far is 96042. We still have to complete 10% extra to make up for any prostrations which were not done properly, so roughly we need to do another 15000.

Despite only getting 2 hours sleep last night, I managed to do 150 prostrations, bringing my personal total to 5247. That averages at about 500 a week, so if I continue at that rate, I will complete my prostration preliminary in about another 190 weeks!! Argh. That's like 4 years!! To be more realistic (and optimistic), I did 1370 prostrations last week, so if I can do 1000 a week, that's another 95 weeks, which is roughly 2 years.

Anyway, back to the KMP retreat, the members of our prostration group has changed somewhat. Joe and JJ have left KMP and joined Ladrang. Joey has left KIT and is being looked after by Fat Monk. However, JJ and Joe are still contributing their prostration count towards our retreat. So everything is on track as we hope to complete our 100,000 before we go on our Nepal trip in a couple of weeks.

So we need to madly prostrate away. I guess I have a lot to purify anyway.. so bring it on!

Why Buddhists talk about suffering and death

2008-09-25T15:57:00.002+08:00

Last night, Rinpoche said that one of his Gurus, H.E. Lati Rinpoche, was once asked why Buddhists were so morbid, always talking about death and suffering. Why not talk about positive things? The answer was that it's not whether it's morbid or not but it's the truth. Positive or negative, morbid or not, all these are merely perspectives which can change instantly, depending on our mind. Also when we meditate on the impermanence of life and the imminent coming of death, we would be inspired to do more Dharma - or activities that would benefit others. If you had one day left to live - what would you do for that day?

This morning, Rinpoche said "I live everyday thinking when will i die. My time is soon. I wish i can do more. Time is short. I am not paranoid about it, but VERY AWARE ABOUT IT. It's scary sometimes. What i hate about life is death."

Rinpoche also added, "the sad thing is that the positive things, if you look closely, are really not positive at all and are based on self cherishing and leads to more self cherishing. That is the problem. Self cherishing....."

How true. Everything we hold dear, everything we fear, everything we love, everything we worry about - it all comes from the self-cherishing mind. To not want to face the ugly side of life is a form of cowardice and simply playing ostrich.

The irony of life is the inevitability of death and that every second and every minute, we are moving towards that finality. So I guess I'd better get my arse in gear and do more!

KMP reopens!

2008-08-27T01:18:00.002+08:00

We had another all night Liaisons' meeting with Rinpoche. We started around 8pm and officially ended around 7.30 am and we invited Rinpoche to see the new KMP. Our new offices were still in a mess but Rinpoche liked the decor - all done by our wonderful Margaret Lee and contractor Koon.

After a short chat, Rinpoche invited us all to breakfast at the vegetarian cafe across the field from KMP. Finally, around 11am, Susan asked that if JJ leaves KMP, can we request for KMP to be opened sooner than 2 weeks. Rinpoche replied that yes she could request. So she requested and Rinpoche said YES!

KMP staff were all very happy, especially as Rinpoche said that KMP will not ever close again. There is a very special team spirit in KMP - all of us love the Dharma and love working with the Dharma under Rinpoche's kind guidance.

After breakfast, we went to KH1 to do our prostrations - after a night of no sleep, Shin, Yek Yee, Susan, Jamie, Annette, David, Sio Chian and I only managed 7 each. Together with May Woo's and Prof Choi's 21 each, we only managed 98! Of course, we have to get Ms Han, Julia and Chris' counts still. Achieving our 100,000 prostrations seem very far away at the moment. But considering the purification we have been going through, I think it's still okay!

KSK hits Penang

2008-08-25T01:56:00.000+08:00

The idea for a KSK fund raising dinner in Penang came from KH member Patsy Gooi, who is the sister of KSK Head of Fundraising, Liaison Ruby Khong. It was appropriate to have a fund raiser in Penang because it was there that H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche had first mentioned that it would be a good idea to have a mobile soup kitchen when he saw some homeless people in the streets. Rinpoche has been feeding the homeless for many years on his own accord, having suffered from homelessness and hunger as a teenager. In 2006, some of Rinpoche’s students decided to distribute a few packets of food to the homeless in KL and from then, Kechara Soup Kitchen was born. KSK wishes to purchase or rent a building in the centre of KL as permanent premises for a soup kitchen so that hot food can be served on a daily basis. In order to achieve this dream, funds need to be raised.

On 24 August 2008, the KSK fund raising dinner event at G Hotel, Penang, began with cocktails at 7pm. Guests consisting of Penang’s most charitable ladies and gentlemen, established corporate figures, high society ladies from KL and friends of Ruby and Patsy came glamorously dressed up to the nines. Kechara Media & Publications had a small table displaying the coffee table book, ‘If not now, when?’, where 30% of sales would be contributed to KSK. We sold three books only but better than nothing.

After a screening of KSK’s short presentation, Ruby Khong gave a short welcome speech. As she recited Shantideva’s dedicational prayer, which is always recited before KSK food distribution, the hall fell silent in respect for this inspirational prayer.

Dressed immaculately in a stunning Eric Choong creation, Celebrity TV host, Xandria Ooi, was the MC for the evening, and gave a brief history of KSK to the rapt audience.

Dinner was then served and the evening’s entertainment began with a dance performance by the Flower Girls, consisting of my mum, aunt, grandma and cousin. This was followed by a couple of songs from the guest of honour, YB Datuk Dr. Victor Wee, Economic Advisor to the Ministry of Finance. He played the guitar and gave a wonderful rendition of ‘Vincent’ and ‘Jambalaya’. He was followed by another guest of honour, the blogger turned politician, YB Tuan Jeff Ooi, MP for Jelutong, who sang a Malay and then a Mandarin song.

Other performers included a group of high society ladies, led by Datin Maylene, who were friends of KSK Hon. Treasurer, Julia Tan. They had come from KL especially to attend and perform at the event.The ladies sang solos, duets and gave a group performance. Datin Irene and Datin Maylene were even sponsored RM1000 to sing another song.

The musical talents of Patsy and Soon Lee’s son, Gavin, were showcased as he performed his own composition on a keyboard. Our very own singing superstar, James Long presented two songs – ‘You Raise Me Up’ and ‘Sway’. James was then sponsored to give an encore for RM5000!

Although it was a Sunday night and the program ended late, the guests were all extremely happy with the evening. One gentleman, the husband of the lady who sponsored James’ encore, even pledged RM50,000 if KSK was to start up in Penang. Rinpoche was very happy to hear this and hopes that one day KSK will manifest in Penang and anywhere else so that people will never go hungry.

Everything Changes, Nothing Changes

2008-08-24T07:10:00.000+08:00

Everything Changes, Nothing Changes?

I don't know about that. It's been a month since I had cheerfully written on the beginning of our prostration retreat. Since then, we have had quite a tumultous time at KMP. Joseph has since left KMP to join Ladrang - a change of portfolio that was felt by all to be the best for Joe personally and professionally. Most importantly, for the sake of his spiritual growth.

Since then, we've also lost Joey - he was finally fired after continuously refusing to be more effective and efficient. Due to his attitude, lack of performance and not following due process for issuing invoices, he was finally asked to leave. Due to Rinpoche's kindness, he was asked to stay on at Naropa House and was given a retreat to do. Unfortunately for Joey, his karmic obscurations are still preventing him from carrying these out.

JJ has also been in trouble. As he is able to perform, he was given a chance to reform his attitude but yesterday, he was up to his old tricks again. It's extremely sad that he has such great potential yet refuses to change.

On Friday, Susan, Shin, Jamie and I came to Penang for the weekend. We had been madly packing as KMP is moving to its own building. We had planned to come to Penang for a long time already - I was going to see my mum perform and help out at the Penang Home for the Aged and Sunday was the KSK fund raising dinner. Although we had agreed to vacate KMP old building by Friday, there was still some stuff lying around. Jamie and I had mopped the kitchen floor on Thursday and the place needed a once over after everything had been left.

Anyway, we had carelessly left David and JJ in charge of cleaning up KMP and happily sailed off into the sunset.

Big mistake.

On Saturday, Rinpoche asked where JJ was. As far as we knew, JJ was in KL. Of course, we had naively trusted that JJ would listen to Rinpoche's instructions to clean up KMP properly and leave for Penang on the last bus on Saturday night. Boy were we wrong. At 2pm on Saturday, JJ was already on his way to Penang and we were the last to know. Worst of all, it had to be Rinpoche who told us where JJ was.

I felt incredibly embarrassed. Not only was I negligent to check on the whereabouts of a reputedly unreliable staff, I also failed to oversee the condition of the property or leave someone competent to supervise and conduct a proper handover. And worst of all, I have to be reminded of my lack of awareness by my Guru. A Guru should not have to do mundane things like make sure a place is clean or check where the staff are. That should've been our job.

Then Rinpoche asked why Shin had to be in Penang so early since the KSK dinner was on Sunday. This was totally my fault as I had strongly persuaded Shin to come with us as we wanted to discuss JJ's issue on the drive down to Penang. I immediately told Rinpoche that Shin had wanted to stay behind but it was me who persuaded her to come to Penang.

After a few smses back and forth, Rinpoche said that KMP new building would be closed for two weeks because of JJ's actions and our lack of responsibility and ownership.

At 2.30am (Sunday morning by then), we had a two hour conference call with Rinpoche, who brought many home truths to us about our issues. All in all, it was a positive call. Suffice to say I learned a lot about responsibility and care. A bit of a late lesson but it's never too late to learn and I can safely say we will not do it again.

Entertaining at Penang Home for the Aged

2008-08-23T23:40:00.002+08:00

My mum and aunt, in their 60's, have been doing charity performances in Penang and KL for a couple of years now. Today, they performed at the Home for the Aged and Infirm in Penang.

Despite the un-airconditioned hall, the performers with their costumes put on a fabulous show. Many of the old folks were glued to their seats and I was a bit worried that some of the older men might get palpitations when some of the performances were a bit risque!

The star of the show was really my 88 year old grandma in her debut performance!

Above is the pic of my mum on the left, my grandma in the middle and my aunt on the right. Below is a closeup (mum on left and grandma on right)!

On the far left is my cousin, Adrian, a medical doctor and dermatologist, who flew in from Sydney for a few days just to perform. My aunt, Adrian's mother and my mum's sister, is the one on the far right.

I was very proud of my family - to see the looks on the old folks' faces when watching my family perform was simply marvellous.

KMP's prostration retreat

2008-07-22T16:26:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, KMP / KIT / KIM - Joe, Susan, Jamie, Yek Yee, David, Shin, JJ, Joey, Chris, Ms. Han, Julia - started our prostration retreat to collectively undertake 100,000 prostrations. 100,000 prostrations is one of the preliminary practices which all Tibetan Buddhists should complete in our lifetime. Our motley crew have been planning this prostration retreat since last year but somehow it never manifested. Finally, while the new KMP/KIT/KIM building is under renovation, we finally got our act together and requested for HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's blessings and advice.

Rinpoche kindly gave us a series of prayers to do, namely the preliminaries, the nine attitudes of Guru Devotion, the eight worldly Dharmas, Guru Yoga and the 35 confessional Buddhas. Our KMP sponsor, Annette Chan, and KMP patron, Professor Choi, were invited to join our retreat and they happily accepted. I dare say every single one was quite excited about starting this endeavour.

The group prostration retreat clears personal and group obstacles, which KMP felt would be very much appropriate as we embark on the next stage of KMP's growth - when we move into our own building.

We started at 10am and gave ourselves an hour for the prayers and prostrations. Yek Yee managed 270, Susan 250 while I only made 108. We gave ourselves 10 weeks to finish the prostrations, averaging 10,000 a week. Watch this space!

Four months

2008-07-06T15:55:00.002+08:00

It's been four months since I last blogged. A lot has happened over four months. I don't know even where to begin. One of the highlights was definitely having the honour of being appointed as one of H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's liaisons. The liaisons are Rinpoche's personal assistants and today, there are 17 of us. The liaisons council runs the entire Kechara organisation under the direction of Rinpoche as our spiritual guide.

The liaisons consist of Rinpoche's students, ranging from senior students who have known Rinpoche for more than a decade to those who have met him for a couple of years. Length of relationship is definitely not the criteria for liaisonship but 110% commitment to the Dharma and to Rinpoche's work is. We all come from different ages, educational and occupational and other backgrounds yet we are able to happily work together towards a common goal, continuously supporting each other through our personal transformations and growth in order to benefit others. Of course we're not all bodhisattvas - far from it - but at least we know what we aspire to and we have a kind and compassionate Guru who will show us how.

Insomnia

2008-03-02T05:55:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 5am this morning and couldn't sleep... it's kind of weird because I only had like 4 hours sleep yesterday and the night before. Maybe it's jet lag from Bandar Utama to Bangsar. Thursday night was spent revamping the ksk website, and though it's nothing near our flashy Tsemtulku.com site, I'm quite proud of my work kskcommunity.org! Friday night was spent with Rinpoche, an amazing experience as always and ended in the wee hours of the morning.

Then I had to wake up before 10am yesterday to have a photo shoot with some kind donors of an all women's sporting group, Dboleh's team 'wind', towards an SIPJ project. We then decided to go to visit Sheila, the receipt of the donation. Sheila is an autistic girl whom SIPJ is sponsoring for a few months. When we first met her, she was very unkempt and had no social skills due to neglect. After 2 months, she has blossomed and we were very happy to receive donations towards her care. It costs RM1400 per month for board and lodging as well as special coaching.

After that, Susan had to go for a land blessing and Sean and I went to distribute food for KSK. Traffic in town was atrocious, with roads closed off for the election rallies. While waiting in the stagnant traffic and then being told by the traffic cops that I was in the wrong lane so I couldn't turn right (I wasn't in the wrong lane), I had my first real regret that I had not registered to vote!

Anyway, I tried not to have negative thoughts since I was supposed to be emanating positive energy while doing community service. It was my first time driving the Pudu Market route on my own, and for company I had Madam Han Nee, a retired lady, and Sean, my 10 year old. It was really three generations in one car. When we arrived at Pudu Market, we didn't find many of our usual clients except for one who ranted and raved at Mdm Lim, fortunately from a distance.

We finished around 8 and after depositing Mdm Lim at Central Market, Sean and I went to see my mum at Crown Princess Hotel. She arrived today with her sisters and the St. George's Girls' School alumni group to perform for a charity event today.

By the time I reached my mum, she'd already had dinner so Sean and I grabbed a quick bite and headed home. I should be sleeping til the cows come home but somehow I wasn't sleepy. So here I am.

Maybe I'll read something trashy - that usually puts me to sleep.

If not now, when?

2008-02-02T01:28:00.000+08:00

Now! Now! Now! Yes - it's finally out.. the long awaited 1st ever KMP produced Coffee Table Book.. also known as "If not now, when?". This perfectly titled perfect book was conceptualised eons ago.. by one of the dinosaurs of KMP, Andee, who typed out Rinpoche's smses with two fingers. Jamie, Joe and i attempted to bring this one step further by compiling these quotes into a book of digital Dharma.. but as the smses went to his students, they were quite deep and we were not sure other people would understand them. The idea then evolved into getting quotes from Rinpoche's Dharma teachings, which had been published.

Then Shirley came up with a proposal to do a coffee table book of Rinpoche's quotes, which made Jamie and I scream Eureka! Shirley contributed a huge pile of lengthy quotes which Jamie and I added to our previous list of quotes. We then systematically went through and edited them down to bite-size morsels. Then we had the gargantuan task of choosing which quotes would be more easily illustrated. And which quotes to include! We loved every one of them, which made the whittling process even more difficult. We also fretted about an appropriate title, then Shirley came up with 'If not now, when?' which we all loved, loved, loved! And i still do. What better question should we all ask ourselves? And Joy and Justin's interpretation of the title on the cover design is fab.

Joy and Justin, our graphic designers extraordinaire, also came up with the wonderful graphics within. JJ, our 23 year old chicken, was the production manager and aged visibly by the end of the production phase.

Final artwork became not-really-final as we kept finding mistakes at each proofreading session. Were we blind?? Why didn't we see them the last round. And this was just the editors beating ourselves us! We won't even mention what the long suffering designers thought of us. Finally, JJ decided to take it off our grubby little hands and sent it off to the printers.

Anyway, finally, finally, finally - it's out! It's great! Rinpoche loves it! Andee, who is extremely critical about books, loves it! We love it! And we hope the whole world will too! If not now, when?????!

Manjushri graces Sean's altar

2008-02-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

Doesn't Sean's altar look fabulous... Rinpoche blessed the Manjushri thangka we bought at the exhibition and I promptly rearranged Sean's room so his altar went against the wall and Andee helped hang the thangka up.

Another blast from the past

2008-01-31T18:37:00.000+08:00

Today, I met up with Catherine Durham - someone I hadn't seen for about 20 years.. another old Queenswoodian, who's been living in the South of France and working as a yoga teacher and massage therapists for billionaires on their yachts in the Mediterranean. In her other life, she travels the world and is about to go to Cambodia to teach English for a couple of months.

It was lovely to catch up and I brought Karen along since she was also an old Q. We had a splendid tapas lunch with a bottle of white... I discovered how many of our friends were divorced - and updated her on my state of things to which she just nodded, unfazed. Maybe Queenswood does that to you - nothing shocks us! Catherine was very sweet and treated us to lunch so I invited her to stay when she next passes through on her way back to Europe.

After lunch, I took Karen to pick up something in Bangsar and dropped by at Eric Choong's. It was lovely to see Ee Ling and her gorgeous little baby there. Unfortunately, Eric was ill so he wasn't around. Karen tried on a beautiful purple dress and Catherine said it was a looooong time before she could wear purple (purple was the colour of our school uniform)!

Catherine, Karen and I

Catherine and I

Sean gets a gift from Tsem Rinpoche

2008-01-29T16:10:00.000+08:00

Ever caring, ever generous Tsem Rinpoche gave Sean a DVD today. His personal assistant, Beng Kooi, played Santa Claus today and dropped over the gift. Sean is his usual serious self?! Watch the video! hahaha...

Others are many while I am only one

2008-01-27T09:00:00.000+08:00

On Friday, Rinpoche gave a fantastic Dharma talk. Even though the essence was not new, it was a much needed reminder for me to always focus on others, for others are many while I am only one. Rinpoche said that everything we do must be motivated by compassion; compassion for others, to take on burdens for others. To be happy to be sick, to shorten our lives, to lose money for others. This is the thunder-like proclamation of the Dharma. And how much we do that is how much success we'll have.

We all have fears and we are often debilitated by them. Don't hide behind your fears, Rinpoche said, focus on what's more important than your fears - think of others. Inspirational people and heroes all have fears. The difference is that they push themselves because it will benefit others.

He also taught us how to cut attachments to material things. Having or not having material things is not the issue - the attitude towards having or not having is the crux. If we lose everything, how do we feel. This is one way of assessing our attachments. How can we cut our attachments? Material items can be used as a powerful practice to exhaust attachment. When we buy things for ourselves, especially things we like, we increase attachment. However, by changing our attitude - that whatever we have, is not for ourselves, then it changes our motivation and thus our attachment.

Rinpoche then taught us some simple but powerful visualisation of having one's yidam on top of one's head and how we can transform everything we have into the eight auspicious signs and by focusing and believing strongly, we offer everything up to our Yidam or any Buddha we choose. And because everything now belongs to the Buddha, we have to take great care of our things. We have to keep them clean and in good condition.

We should do it not just as an exercise but as a daily practice. Even the scented soaps we use can be offered up. Beautiful sights we see. Nice textures we touch. We dress ourselves to look good for the Dharma. Everything we do becomes Dharmic practice.

So Susan and i promptly went to buy some new clothes - after all, Chinese New Year's coming, the shops were on Sale, we need to represent Dharma well and we get to make offerings to the Buddhas.

Isn't that fabulous?

Fish Spa at Pavilion

2008-01-23T11:00:00.001+08:00

Imagine a hundred little fishes nibbling at your feet.. ticklish? You bet! It's one of the weirdest things I've ever felt.. ok maybe not the weirdest ever *thinks hard and deletes some memories quickly*, but weirdest in the recent past.

Anyway, last night, I took Susan to try out the fish spa at Pavilion. I'd been curious about the spa ever since I read about it a while back. Fish that exfoliated your feet by eating your skin? One of the 'gotta try before you die' experiences. So we did.

Of course, I let Susan stick her toes in first. She collapsed into giggles as the little fish swarmed over her feet. Then it was my turn. I gingerly dipped my feet in and watched with slight consternation at the little fish (and not so little, as I noticed with sudden apprehension) gathering around my feet. It was almost unbearably ticklish at first and I had to try to focus away from the sensations in order not to whip out my feet (and wimp out in front of people - yes my darling ego is always with me).

Eventually, my feet got used to it and Susan and I simply got fascinated with watching the fishes work their way over our feet and calves. It was a rather strange feeling to be feasted on. Susan was worried that the fish might get poisoned! The half an hour session passed almost too quickly. Afterwards, Susan's feet were very much smoother - she says it beats any pedicure she has ever had. For RM38 a pop, it's not too bad.

My feet, which normally feel like leather anyway, marginally felt better and I was happy enough with the result to want to do it again.

Fish spa, anyone?

Andee reads my draft...

2008-01-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

I've been so damned nervous about my Setrap book (is one allowed to say damned and Setrap in the same sentence) - even though I finished the first draft by Christmas last year, I've been fretting about it being not good enough. Is my faith in Setrap not strong enough that it would be successful? It was more like my faith in myself was not strong enough. Anyway, Andee - one of KMP's senior writers and known for being extremely critical of Dharma books - finally took a look at my draft.

Andee's face was inscrutable and I practically held my breath when he was reading through it - my intestines proceeded to perform triple axels. He turned each page slowly and measuredly and just as I was about to pass out from pure consternation, he finally looked up and said he liked it!

What a relief... of course he hadn't read it all yet - but whether he was simply being kind and compassionate to a budding writer or he really liked it, I'm just going to take his feedback at face value and continue to refine the book with added confidence!

Thanks, Andee - you know how to make a writer feel good..

An ode to my Guru

2008-01-19T12:12:00.000+08:00

His loving kindness
gently mends our broken,
confused, fractured lives,
casting an invisible breath
of blessings on mothers, fathers,
children, husbands, wives.

Sometimes he sends
a soft, velvet nudge to all,
sometimes it’s an
urgent blaring, clarion call
to us to dig ourselves out
from under the mud we call ‘me’
to uncover the Buddha we can be.

In this changing world
where nothing makes sense,
Where dreams are false and
full of impermanence,
He shines a beacon
Of logic and strength.
So when we weaken,
Falter or fall,
He’s always there
to guide us through
from near, far or anywhere
and teach us how
to transcend it all.

Stunned by love

2008-01-19T11:19:00.000+08:00

While at the thangka exhibition yesterday, I decided to buy one. I agonised over which I preferred - the beautiful blue Medicine Buddha with gold brocade, or the unframed Chakrasambhava - Heruka and Vajrayogini in cosmic embrace or the three long life deities - the exquisite White Tara with Amitayus and Namgyalma. - or... the list was endless but those three particularly caught my eye. I asked Susan which she preferred but we still couldn't decide. Eventually, we both decided on the three long life deities.

I particularly loved the face of White Tara so whipped out my credit card and with a swipe and bated breath whether my credit card would bounce, it was ours. I had already planned where I wanted to put it.. in the dining area of our house, so I would see it every time I came downstairs. I asked Susan if she thought Rinpoche would sign on the back for us, and she said she thought he would - we would just request for it through the ladrang staff and hope for the best.

Happy with our acquisition, we then just continued with looking after KMP table and helping out at the exhibition where we could. Our shift ended at 4pm but we were still there till around 6. GL came and we went for an early dinner at a Korean restaurant nearby. Then Ruby called and asked if we'd be there til 10pm. We weren't planning to be, but if we needed to, sure.. why not. Susan said - why not ask her to come over to our house? I was like well I don't know what she wants, let's just wait til she gets back.

Anyway, around 8pm, Ruby came over and said ask the others to come, there's new stock.. so we rushed over to 'kay po' (busy body!). Then we followed her round the corner and Ruby stopped in front of the thangka we bought.

Then she told us that Rinpoche wanted to make the thangka a gift to us. And he had written on the back and.. he even put his thumbprint and seal on it.

We were stunned.

When I saw his writing on the back, I couldn't help but burst into tears. I was so touched by his kindness. Thinking of it now as I type, I am still feeling very emotional (hah.. so much for equanimity).

He is so very kind and generous. Susan was also speechless. I did immediately think that I was not worthy of such a gift but in the next split second, I decided that I had better make myself worthy then.

So - work harder, do more, contribute more, transform more, kick my own butt more..

Thanks Rinpoche, for your love and kindness and for always being the light.

Tibet comes to the Pyramid

2008-01-18T13:24:00.000+08:00

Kechara is holding its first public thangka exhibition at Sunway Pyramid this weekend. Thangkas are exquisite Tibetan paintings - usually of Buddhist deities or mandalas. All the thangkas on exhibition come from Nepal and are brightly coloured with the most elaborate ones painted with real gold. Thangkas are also traditionally brocaded with real gold thread and silks - all the best to represent our offering to the great Englightenment thought.

So the orange wing at LG2 Sunway Pyramid has turned into a Himalayan bazaar overnight - with stunning thangkas, gleaming singing bowls, painted tsatsas, consecrated wealth vases, shiny prayer wheels in copper and brass, silver mandala sets, gold plated serkym sets amongst others. A veritable treasure trove of Tibetan artefacts.

Kunga, our genuine Tibetan artist, who came to Malaysia specially for the exhibition is even giving classes on thangka painting. Joy, assistant director of Kechara Saraswati and other volunteers from her team are also here - showing people how to paint statues.

And we even have Raj, our visiting super tailor from Nepal, who has set up a sewing station to demonstrate the intricate sewing of brocade for the thangkas.

Several Kechara members and friends are sprinkled throughout the aisle, sharing with curious onlookers little known facts and explanations about each item. Of course KMP is here with its little table, which I am manning, offering our Tsongkhapa calendar for sale at a discount since we're already steaming away into January. Poor Tsongkhapa to be on discount, but on the other hand, if we can promote his image to bless more people, why not. It's the motivation that counts after all. KMP also has some of Rinpoche's books and audio book here too. Though officially we weren't really allowed to sell anything - it was meant to just be an exhibition but don't tell anyone, ok?

Anyway, it's all for a good cause. So let's hope we don't get a complaint from Sunway - though if we do, it's nothing new...

Karen meets the Buddha

2008-01-03T11:21:00.000+08:00

On New Year's day, Ruby, Karen, Susan and I were at Rakuzen for dinner and JP called up asking if Karen was available for audience with Rinpoche at 8pm the following night. We of course said we were and Karen and I were extremely excited.

So last night, I picked Karen up at 6pm and took her over to KMP to get Susan for dinner. The party grew to include Shin, Yek Yee and JJ, and we left for centrepoint around 7.15pm. Time was running short and my order would have to be slow. In the end I cancelled it and we left centrepoint at 7.45. Fortunately there was no traffic at the overhead bridge and we made it to KH2 in ample time.

Karen was starting to get nervous which made me nervous so I decided to distract her by giving her a quick tour of KH2. Rinpoche arrived soon after and we settled into the audience. I love watching Rinpoche talk to people - he manages to put them at ease so easily and explains complicated things in the simplest, most comprehensible way.

After the audience, Karen said she was blown away by him. She said he brought clarity to her life and that she has much to think about. He had advised her to develop her spiritual side more as that is what will give her fulfilment in the end.

I really hope she takes the blessings he has given her to further her spiritual quest - wherever that lies. Oh shucks.. what I really hope is that she'd come and join us at Kechara - but I guess I shouldn't.

Anyway, we shall see :)

Susan's Birthdy and New Year's Eve

2008-01-01T13:07:00.000+08:00

We celebrated Susan's birthday and New Year's eve at Bilique - the pub AP and Ester co-owns. We had a fab time.. a complete immersion in samsara - though we had many KH members there to keep us in Kechara!

A blast from the past

2007-12-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

On 27 Dec, I received an email from an old friend, Karen Currie. We were at Queenswood together - a tiny boarding school in Hertfordshire that no one's ever heard of. She was in the upper fifths when I was in the thirds so I didn't really know her well but knew who she was. Anyway, we met up again a couple of years ago, when she joined the Oxbridge society but even then we didn't really get to know each other.

I was delighted to hear from her though and immediately invited her to a dinner cum seminar function on Emotional Intelligence, organised by Shirley, that was happening that evening. The proceeds for the dinner was for KSK - Kechara Soup Kitchen - and there were a couple of spare seats at my table so I invited her. I didn't really expect her to appear as it was such a last minute invite and as the evening started I became wrapped up in other things. So it was a lovely surprise at the end of the day when she showed up.

She liked the short KSK video and when I told her I was in a Buddhist publishing house, she said she was interested in Buddhism and of course, that made me ecstatic. On the spur of the moment, I wondered if Rinpoche was around KMP. That day was also the day of the inaugural KL pilgrimage tour, led by Rinpoche, and if he hadn't reached KMP yet, I wondered if it was possible to just let Karen slip in at the back of the room to have a glimpse of the Buddha. I smsed Susan and Su Ming and there was no reply. So I smsed Ruby and she said she was at KLIA and Rinpoche was at Dame Khang. I then called Ruby and asked if she thought it would be okay for me to take Karen to KMP and see Rinpoche. Not for anything in particular but just to be a part of the crowd and be blessed by his presence. Ruby said that she thought it was okay because earlier, some people met Rinpoche at various parts of the tour.

So Karen and I immediately hopped into our respective cars and tore our way across town - from Shangri-La to Bandar Utama. When we arrived, JP and Su Ming were outside KMP and I asked them if it was okay for us to go in to see Rinpoche. JP aka Harry Potter said that it wasn't appropriate because it was a private function. I must say that at the time, I was rather disappointed - especially after the adrenaline of rushing across town. I had thought that Karen and I could just slip into KMP while Rinpoche was looking around KMP. At that time, I didn't know that Rinpoche didn't go to KMP and that what JP said she couldn't join was the visit to the Ladrang, which was fully understandable. The tour attendees then filed out of KMP and were milling outside waiting to go into the Ladrang.

So I thought I'd give Karen a tour of KMP and she was quite impressed with everything. She even bought a couple of DVDs ("Journey to Gaden" and "Nothing Changes")JP then came by and suggested that I write to request audience with Rinpoche if Karen wanted to meet him so, there and then, I did.

Then on Saturday night, we took her to Kechara Saraswati Arts where we showed her what Saraswati did. The place was buzzing as Raj the tailor was visiting and giving the first class on how to sew a pandit's hat. Eric Choong, head of the Kechara Sewing Dept and celebrity fashion designer was also there. They were filming Raj's work and someone suggested Karen go into the shot so we look very international.

We were really all amazed at Raj's sewing skills and Karen and I even slipped into the group photo which we didn't really deserve to be in, especially as we didn't do anything! But KSA was so generous to include us charlatans.

Karen and I then rolled a few mantras to purify our sins and KMP people - JJ, Jamie, Yek Yee - were all there in KSA, though we hadn't planned on it. Again, Karen was impressed that all these volunteers would come in their spare time and after work and she said she loved the energy of these departments.

Wait til she feels the energy of the Buddha!!

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Sean takes Refuge

2007-12-06T13:48:00.001+08:00

Lama Tsongkhapa Day - the day Lama Tsongkhapa went to Parinirvana - fell on 4th December, Sean's birthday this year. I was a bit worried that he would be disappointed that we couldn't go out for dinner on his birthday but I should have given Sean more credit. When I told him his birthday was the same day as Lama Tsongkhapa Day, he was thrilled and immediately asked if Rinpoche was going to give a talk. I hedged and said yes, probably, but no guarantees. As we all know in Kechara House, anything can happen! He was very happy that Rinpoche would be giving a talk so I kept my fingers crossed that all would be well.

On 4 December, Sean and I actually got to KH around 5 to check on my fund raising table and see if there was any help needed. KH looked wonderful - the Tsongkhapa statue was resplendent in brocade and silk and his new (just arrived the day before!) altar was full of offerings. Many KH members had worked throughout the night and over past weeks to make our centre look great. Sean asked what he could do so Paulyne, the KH admin, asked him to help with candles. He also went round helping sell khatas and before we knew it, the program had begun and we didn't even have time to have dinner. Again I was a bit worried about the little (ok, not so little) fella. But he seemed to be fine. At the announcements at the beginning, one of the items was that Rinpoche was giving refuge that night.

Sean came up to me and asked if he could take refuge. I asked him if he knew what it meant. He said that Rinpoche would be his root guru. I asked him what did he think that meant. He said that Rinpoche would take him to Enlightenment. I told him to think carefully about it as it's a serious matter and he said he did. So I asked him to ask JT and frantically smsed Susan and Jenny to ask what to do. Refuge seekers had to attend a talk/briefing before the ceremony which Sean hadn't taken so I didn't know if he could still take refuge. I didn't ask him if he had wanted to take refuge because .. well, I guess it just didn't occur to me that he would.

Anyway, I was told that Sean's name would be submitted for consideration so that was that. When it was time to take refuge, the refuge seekers went to sit up near Rinpoche's throne. Sean also followed.

Then I was told that it was too late for Sean. But he was already sitting up there. I felt quite bad for him but thought that at least he'd get a blessing.

Rinpoche explained the refuge vows and the meaning of refuge to the refuge seekers and granted them refuge. He then distributed the refuge names to all the seekers. Except for Sean, of course.

When it was all over, I didn't know if Sean had taken refuge or not. He had gone through the whole ceremony but he hadn't been given a refuge name. Perhaps he'd get given one later.

Anyway, when the program ended around 2am, people queued up to offer Rinpoche khatas. By the time that was over, it was about 3.30am. Rinpoche was talking to some people and I decided to carpe diem and asked Rinpoche what was Sean's status.

Rinpoche immediately asked for a chair and said he would give Sean refuge now. I was completely overwhelmed with his kindness. Rinpoche said to Sean that it was because "You matter." That sums it up for me - how Rinpoche, in his compassion, always makes people feel like they matter. And that's what we should also emulate.

Sean sat on the floor in front of him and Rinpoche led him through a beautiful visualisation. He then gave him refuge. Sean's refuge name is Tenzin Khenchen, which means holder of the Dharma with very great knowledge.

After the ceremony, Rinpoche chatted to Sean for awhile and I was sweating bricks because I didn't know what Sean was going to answer! And he was too far away from me to kick his butt!

There was a touching moment when Rinpoche asked him about the visualisation and Sean said that he visualised it and it was very beautiful and he started to cry. I think it was overwhelming for him too!

In any case, by the time we got home, it was about 5.30am and Sean had stayed awake the whole time with no dinner and no complaints. In fact, he said it was the best birthday ever and I was very proud of him.

I'm so grateful to Rinpoche for his kindness in granting Sean refuge at such a late hour. It was so meaningful to be given on Lama Tsongkhapa's Day and Sean's birthday too. What more can one ask for? :D

Tsem Ladrang, Gaden

2007-11-28T15:37:00.000+08:00

Last night, Rinpoche told Susan that he liked our website for my latest project - Tsem Ladrang to raise funds for building Tsem Ladrang in Gaden. I was so excited, it inspired me to write in my blog!

I've been so busy these few months that I haven't had time to write.. I can't believe I haven't written it since August.. and so much has happened since that I don't even know where to backtrack but.. let's talk about Tsem Ladrang today. Early in November, I had to good fortune to go to Gaden again. The first time I went was April 2006, and that was an incredible one day trip.

This time, I was invited but almost didn't make it.

Joe had asked if I had wanted to go to Gaden, and I said yes I'd love to but I can't make it if it's the first week of November. I didn't tell him that on November 4th, my mother was performing in her annual alumni do, for which I'd designed the invitation cards and had promised that Sean and I was coming. I'd even told Sean's school that he wasn't going to school that Monday since we were going to Penang for the show. On November 6th, I had bought tickets for 'Chicago'.. and invited William for his belated birthday treat too. On November 8th was our grand SIPJ (http://www.sipj.org) fund raising event - i had bought a table for 3k and also had invited supporters of SIPJ's previous events to join. Of all the weeks in the whole year, this was my busiest week. Anyway, I didn't hear about Gaden for awhile then I heard that the group was leaving on November 3rd and returning on the 10th. Almost exactly encompassing the three dates that I had planned. I was still humming and hawing and wondering if I should cancel my appointments. I am ashamed to say that I didn't immediately scream cancel everything and hop on the plane to heaven.

Anyway, I stewed over it for about a day, then I asked Ruby if it was too late to get a visa for India because the others had already submitted their passports for the visa. Ruby said it was probably too late. Then I heard that Jenny may be going and she had to get her visa done so I then quickly decided that I wanted to go. Throwing samsara to the wind, I asked Joe if it was ok. He said yes, but I had to pay my own way since I had said I couldn't make it, he had offered my place to Jamie. That was the least of my worries! Anyway, to cut the long story short, my visa came through, Joe's visa came through and off we went on the most amazing trip ever.

Boy was I glad I decided to go. Even though my mum was a bit disappointed,and I'm sure President Kim of SIPJ was a bit disappointed, I wouldn't have missed Gaden for the world.

I'm in the middle of finishing my book on Dharmapala Lord Setrap.. and when I went into the Setrap chapel at Gaden Shartse Prayer Hall and asked him to help me with the book, I was suddenly overcome with tremendous emotion. I can't even begin to describe the feeling. Even thinking about it now makes me feel emotional.

We also had the fantastic opportunity to meet some high lamas, like the Abbot of Gaden Shartse Monastery and one of the highlights was to personally be there to request a foreword for Yek Yee and my Setrap books (Yek Yee has written one in Mandarin which was launched to a fabulous reception last Saturday) from the ex-Abbot, Kensur Konchok Tsering, who emanate such kindness that it humbles you. And we met Gen Gelong, the ex-disciplinarian of the Monastery, who spoke so highly of Tsem Rinpoche that it made me cry.

From the kindness of Tsem Rinpoche, we stayed at the comfortable house of Kalden Rinpoche, in Gaden Jangste Monastery. There was only a small group of us - Joe, Yek Yee, Jamie, Jenny, Shin and I. If there were more of us, we wouldn't be able to stay at Gaden and wake up the the melodious chants of prayer. We spent three days in Gaden and strangely enough, I didn't miss home at all. Just before we left for Gaden, Rinpoche had mentioned that he wanted a fence built for the land where his ladrang would be built but funds were lacking. When we left Gaden, I felt very inspired to find sponsorship for the fence. And by the time we got home, I wanted to build the whole ladrang.

Tsem Rinpoche is a High Lama of Gaden Shartse and it is high time that his students build a ladrang for him in his home monastery. Please look at the simple site http://www.tsemladrang.com and contribute if you can - you don't have to be a student to contribute, though if you do want to contribute, you probably have some previous life connection already with Rinpoche.

For me, personally, it's a great honour to build a ladrang for Rinpoche, and when Tsem Ladrang in Gaden manifests, many more will have the opportunity to visit Gaden and really have a glimpse of heaven.

TCM

2007-08-13T10:05:00.000+08:00

It's been three days since i stopped taking my diabetic medication. I had gone to a TCM doctor in Kota Damansara, a Dr. John Low, who had been trained in Beijing and had proven cases of curing diabetes. He didn't seem to think my case was problematic at all. The possibility of not having to take my medication and curing my diabetes was something I hadn't thought of at all. Some of my friends are very skeptical but for me, I had nothing to lose. I would track my sugar level carefully over the treatment period to make sure I wasn't going out of control.

So far so good.

The first day, I had a spinal realignment and acupuncture on my leg for gall bladder and appendicitis inflammation. Apparently spinal misalignment is a major cause of many ailments because the central nervous channel is blocked, and organs start to malfunction. He pressed several points on the back of my knees and asked how painful it was, on a scale of 1-10. Mostly it was 6-9! After realigning my spine, he pressed on the same points again and strangely enough, there was no pain. Similarly, he pressed several points on my abdomen and asked if it was painful. Yes it was! He then said my gall bladder and appendix was inflamed. After he put in the five needles, he pressed on the same points and it didn't hurt. Magic!

I felt very tired after the treatment though and wanted to go to sleep. But I had an SIPJ Business meeting at my house that evening so had to truck on.

The next day we were invited to go to Melaka with Rinpoche to meet his long time student, Dato' Eric Tan. I had a session at Dr. Low's in the morning and told him how tired I felt. He said that it was probably because i got the chills. After acupuncture and spinal realignment, we are not supposed to touch water or wind (i.e. shower or be near direct fan or aircon). This is because the treatment opens up our pores and water and wind can enter our body and give us chills. He gave me some medication for it and did some acupuncture on my head to realign the energy. I actually felt faint. Susan also felt the same thing and we both had to go lie down. We felt better after awhile and went off to Melaka for the day. Dr. Low had also advised that we sleep early for 100 days after the start of treatment. This was because our body regains its energy during 10pm-3am. If we are awake during those hours, our body doesn't get the chance to recuperate. However, that day after Melaka, we only got home after 3 and slept at 4am!

On the third day I was off my medication, my fasting sugar level was 9.2. Yes, way off what it's supposed to be, but workable. We didn't get the chance to go to Dr. Low's because he was booked up all day.

Yesterday was my fourth day, and my fasting sugar was 7.3. I had stayed at Dr. Low's clinic all day, being poked for my sugar level almost every hour. I also had acupuncture - one needle on my head and five in my right leg.

We had vegetarian food all day. Vegetarian food was also the rule of the game. Apparently meat was toxic to us and as i have been eating 39 years of meat, it would take 10 years of vegetarian diet to put me back to normal!

I can do the sleep early, I can do the no smoking, but no meat?! Actually he also said no sex but...

Anyway, it's not JUST vegetarian - we cannot eat protein of any kind, even in vegetables. So no soya bean either. And no garlic and no onions. And no spices so even Indian vegetarian food was out. Susan and I looked through a whole vegetarian cookbook and found nothing we could eat. Which meant we had to write our own cook book!

So far all I could eat was cabbage soup (with no onion), grilled zucchinis, aubergines, peppers. Fried vegetables with ginger. Mashed potato. Bland are us!

For the sake of health, i'll grin and bear it.

Today is Dr. Low's day off so tomorrow it's back to being poked. Watch this space.

Meeting Dzongsar Khyentse

2007-07-24T01:43:00.000+08:00

I received an sms from an old friend, Min Seang, who said his 'high profile guru was having a low profile talk in KL'.. the last i heard of it, he had told me his guru was none other than the high lama, Dzongsar Khyentse. Naturally i was quite excited and immediately asked Susan if she could ask Rinpoche if we could go and hear the talk. Susan then replied that Rinpoche said it was ok for us to go. Wow. We had studied Dzongsar Khyentse in the DVD 'Words of my perfect teacher' during book club and we were going to meet him!! There was barely any time to get ready. Then Susan told me Rinpoche wanted to come but only if he could be incognito as he did not want to detract from Dzongsar Khyentse. I tried to contact Min Seang, but he was unreachable. So I called Mr. Chuah, the host of the talk, who was so friendly and welcoming on the phone. He was actually driving when i called so the conversation was brief. I basically asked if I could bring a couple of friends and he agreed. So I relayed this back to Susan and it was decided that Rinpoche, Seng Piow, Susan and I would go. Simply because if other people found out who Rinpoche was, he would not be just with two females. Fine by me. I was thrilled that Rinpoche was coming too. Then at the last minute, Joe was also invited so we all piled into my little toyota and headed over.

I imagined a small terrace house and wondered how many people could fit. I don't know why I thought the house would be small. We drove past a huge mansion lit up like a Christmas tree.. and that was the address we wanted.

Rinpoche, ever humble, stayed in the car while Joe and I went to hunt for Min Seang and see where we could sit. We bagged some cushions right at the back of the hall which was already filling up with people. It was around 7.45pm by then. The talk would start at 8pm sharp, Min Seang had assured me.

Around 7.50pm, Susan smsed me to ask if they should come in and I said yes. I went outside to look for them and the lights in the house then went off! How auspicious! The electricity flickered on and off several times and we were starting to think that the talk might have to be conducted in candle light. Finally, everything turned back on and we all came in and settled down.

There were about 100 people in the hall. Dzongsar Khyentse emerged on time and it was lovely to see him. He looked rather tired, and I had been told that he had been travelling for the past few days and was going off to US first thing tomorrow morning. How kind he was to spend the evening with us when he had every valid reason to be resting.

He started by asking if anyone had any questions. He seemed to be waiting for someone to arrive said he'd take 5 questions in the meantime. The questions posed were quite vague - like what is Enlightenment? What is Dzogchen? To which he answered very wittily, please read the first two pages of the Tao Ter Ching and come back in three years!

He then started his talk at 8.30, on the subject of 'aspirations'. He first talked about wishes - how we wish each other happy birthday, good bye, safe trip etc. These are all prayers, he said. And the opposite being curses. He asked rhetorically if these prayers worked. He said when people receive birthday wishes, they get happy, so those prayers must work!

He also talked about bigger aspirations, for example, if one of your neighbour's house was on fire, a small aspiration would be if you prayed that your house wouldn't catch fire. A bigger aspiration would be that the neighbourhood didn't catch fire. The bigger aspiration would encapsulate the smaller one, because if the neighbourhood didn't catch fire, your house would automatically be safe. Joe pointed out later that the story also illustrated the interdependency of life.

After the talk, Rinpoche had a brief meeting with DK and presented him with some gifts. We then went to Starbucks for coffee and a chat about the evening. Rinpoche shared his exciting future plans for KMP (watch this space!) and how he felt it his personal responsibility to look after the people working there to spread the Dharma.

The evening ended earlyish - around 2am - after Rinpoche bought ice-cream for the hardworking people still at KMP. On the way home, I was exchanging smses with Ruby and shared that we'd just seen DK and didn't think much about it. Only when I got home, Susan said that I shouldn't have said anything because I should have let Rinpoche tell the story.

I panicked and smsed Ruby back but of course, she'd already told Rinpoche :( Luckily she was the only one I told. Sigh.

That kinda spoilt the rest of an otherwise fabulous evening for me. Sometimes I'm so stupid, I stun myself.

Peace Through Yoga

2007-07-08T17:35:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning at 5.50am for the Peace through Yoga event, organised by Carol/Iza (Oh i can't get used to her new name!). It was still dark when we arrived at KLPAC and several people were already there helping to set up.

Kim, our SIPJ President, had fallen down a couple of days ago and was in tremendous pain. As President Elect, yours truly had to fill her rather large shoes. Being one who always shys away from the limelight (why be President Elect then, you may ask... that's another story), I was not looking forward to it but was just resigned to reading Kim's speech and hoping I didn't make too much a fool of myself (my ego overfloweth). I also had not practiced any of the yoga moves as I did NOT expect to have to do any on the day. I had expected to just help out in the background and sit and watch everyone else do the yoga. Kim being out of action meant I also had to fill in for her in doing the yoga - and not just doing the yoga, but doing it up front! I didn't know whether to be more nervous about the speech or the yoga and fortunately that dilemma made me less worried about both!

We were quite short-handed so I ran around helping out. By 8am, when we were officially supposed to start, I was high on adrenaline. The Deputy Minister of FInance I, Datuk Dr. Ng Yen Yen, arrived quite punctually and the day began. Fortunately, I didn't feel too nervous by then and managed to deliver my speech, then I sat down next to Datuk and found that my social retardiness reared its ugly head. I simply did not know what to say to the Deputy Minister. Susan said afterwards that I did what I usually did when I was nervous, which was sit there with a stupid grin on my face. Kim sat on my left and apparently she was grimacing in pain but trying to smile and then there was me with the glassy grin. Hmmm.

Anyway, the morning breezed by and soon it was all over. It was a tremendous effort from all - especially the volunteers and Carol/Iza. You can see photos at the SIPJ website.

Helen!!

2007-07-03T00:29:00.001+08:00

Oh my God!! (said in the best Yek Yee manner.. nevermind)

I was idly watching 'The Queen" dvd which is starring Helen Mirren, and suddenly I saw my old school mate, Helen McCrory as Mrs Cherie Blair!!!!

What can I say except......... WOW!!! Way to go, Helen!

Joe's birthday, kitchen and house warming party

2007-07-01T11:53:00.000+08:00

It is Joe's birthday party today so we threw him a surprise bash... we also decided to celebrate Seng Piow aka God's birthday too since it's a few days away. I also thought I'd continue my birthday celebration too... why not!

I woke up early to go marketing, buying roast pork, vegetables, chicken etc. The theme was RICE - i.e. all things chinese, since Joe is a chinaman at heart. So I made tumeric chicken, Umi made roast chicken, fried veg and mustard green soup, Kim and GL bought roast duck, Heruka House (David, Paul, JT) brought red bean soup and chick kut teh.

In the afternoon, I also got myself a present, courtesy of my dad of course - a hitachi plasma TV, which looks absolutely fabulous in my living room. Together with the latest pioneer surround sound system, I can really say my living room ROCKS! Of course I have some Dharma motivations e.g. we can show Rinpoche's teachings much better on the bigger TV although Susan helpfully reminded me that most social events will be held at Buddha Oasis when it's ready.

Anyway, when the guests started trickling in, we put on a Laura Fygi DVD (not pirated, of course!) to try out the system. It was fab!

Jamie made cupcakes for Joe - stacked up like a mandala, which worked out quite well and much cheaper than the RM3,000 we were quoted for making a mandala cake.

We opened a couple of bottles of champagne to celebrate our new kitchen and repainting of our house too.

Any reason to celebrate!

Pat's birthday

2007-07-01T03:07:00.000+08:00

Pat invited Susan, Sean and I to Tony Roma's at the Curve for dinner on Saturday to celebrate her birthday. QQ, Pat's ex, was in town and coming to dinner too! I was really looking forward to meeting QQ after hearing so much about her.

We went to the Curve which was PACKED! Tony Roma's was PACKED and I really wanted to have ribs :( ! We then trudged around looking for another place to eat. Actually, if we had just stayed put, we would've gotten our table the time it took us to walk around and settle at Marche! And we'd have bumped into Rinpoche! But our merits were obviously not enough.

Josephine also joined us for dinner, which was nice. It was her birthday the day before, so we got her a gift too, which was a fridge magnet making kit. For Pat, we gave her 'The Good Heart' which is HH Dalai Lama's perspective on Christianity, and a can of Oolong tea.

Susan and I had rib eye steak and shared a fondue. It was soooo yummy. We really ordered and ate like there was no tomorrow. QQ bought dinner too! Though I don't think she expected it to come up to RM380!!

After dinner, we adjourned to Starbucks at Centrepoint. QQ came in our car and Audrey was at Starbucks waiting for us.

Pat came soon after she drove Joshua and Sean back to TTDI and dropped Josephine back to her dad's. We had some pleasant banter then I can't remember how the topic came up, I think Pat was telling us about Anne and the baby and suddenly QQ told Pat that she shouldn't be doing what she was doing. That the baby would be affected. Of course Pat believes that she is just loving the child as an auntie, but I did think that aunties don't usually sleep with the child's mother. Gender is irrelevant really. Pat could be a man, and if he/she was sleeping with the child's mother, while the mother was still married to the father, it would be a very complicated relationship.

QQ had earlier said she hadn't smoked for 11 years and suddenly she picked up a cigarette and smoked quite a few!! Her hands were shaking - she was so emotionally against what Pat was doing. QQ was very into the family unit and she felt that Pat was intruding on the family and she should stop having a relationship with Anne and boot Anne off to China to be with her husband. Of course Pat disagreed.

Previously, I had thought that if anything, Pat was old enough to look after herself and if she chose to make bad choices, it's none of my business. I hadn't thought about it from the child's perspective until QQ brought it up. She said that if the family unit broke up, the child would hate the mother and hate Pat. If the family unit didn't break up, there was no where for Pat to feature in the family picture.

So it was a lose-lose situation.

I felt quite sorry for Pat - to be mentally whacked round the head so thoroughly by QQ. On her birthday too. What a birthday present. But then I thought, only QQ may be able to talk some sense into her and if she managed to talk an ion of sense into Pat, then that really would be the greatest birthday present she could give Pat.

39

2007-06-29T04:47:00.000+08:00

I hit 39 yesterday. I felt ancient.

It's just a number, but as Rinpoche is so fond of reminding us, it marks another milestone on our inexorable march to the grave.

Lovely jubbly.

Anyway, as I am wont to celebrate anything and everything, there was a Kechara House party at Star KTV and I decided to make my birthday party there too. I must say my corner was the rowdiest. Shirley bought Susan, Jamie and myself tickets as well as a slew of other people. Wills came too.. and I totally forgot that I bought his ticket and told him Shirley bought it. But nevermind. Buddha, can I please have more RAM for my birthday?

Kim, GL, Carol, Zahrul, Beng Siang came.. Pyng and Sheryl couldn't make it, but I'd celebrated with them the night before. Unintentionally though, because I went to pick up something from their house and stayed and chatted awhile and before I knew it, it was past midnight and Pyng was popping champagne.

Susan gave me a Canon printer and a keyboard cleaner (so romantic... and yes, I do love it, darling), Kim, GL and Tina gave a set of crystal glasses, AP and Ester gave a key chain, Sean a block of diabetic chocolate as usual (I wonder when he'll grow out of that) and Beng Siang a cushion from British India.

I'd given myself a whole new kitchen, a study and a paint job.

Not bad really. Could be a lot worse (though Rinpoche's words keep ringing in my head - why do you want to redecorate your hotel room.. i.e. everything is impermanent so why spend so much time and resources on in)

Anyway, I digress.

I was feeling a bit down earlier because of my own personal issues, real or imagined but like all illusions, felt pretty real to me. Anyway, lucky I am a Dory sometimes and soon I forgot all about it and swung into the party.

I had a fabulous time. Susan surprised me with a fantastic profiterole cake and Carol also baked her famous chocolate cake. She and Kim also got quite plastered with Whisky and beer (yes, together in the same glass) and we finally ended past 2am with a dedication. Best of all, we found that we had also raised RM12k for KHEC.

Not too bad at all.

Sigh

2007-06-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

It wasn't the Ikea people after all.

Yesterday morning, I asked Umi again - did she take it? She said no, so I called up Ikea - said I couldn't prove anything and just wanted them to be aware if other people complain. The lady I spoke to, Nadia, was very nice about it. I had 'let go' and didn't expect to see my laptop again.

Then in the evening, I was having a meeting at KLPAC for the yoga event this Sunday, and Umi rang and said an Ikea guy came by the house and the laptop appeared on my desk. At first I was elated. Then as I thought about it, I decided the story sounded distinctly fishy.

Firstly, if the guy stole it, he wouldn't risk returning it, he'd just dump it.

Secondly, if the Ikea people found it, they would've called me first before delivering it.

Fingers were starting to point in a different direction.

So I spoke to Susan about it and we decided to both talk to her the next morning.

This morning, we asked her again and she insisted that the Ikea man did come and he was in a small car etc.

So that was that.

Susan left for work. I went upstairs to work.

Then Umi came and said she wanted to talk to me. And she confessed that she took it.

I was relieved and quite calm about it. I told her that it wasn't about her or me - but the poor guys who were blamed for something they didn't do. I also told her that she had a pretty easy time working with us - and I was so easy going with her. If she had wanted to borrow it, she should have asked.

Then I had to call Ikea and tell them that it was my maid and apologise deeply.

Sigh.

Stolen Laptop

2007-06-24T23:48:00.001+08:00

I had a horrible shock today. I discovered that my previous Sony Vaio laptop was gone... I had put it on my shelf in my new 'study' which is on the landing on the first floor of my house. I hate to run on assumptions without proof but currently, it looks like fingers are pointing at the Ikea installers who came to assemble my new desk and office chair just this past Friday.

Why? Because they were left alone in my study for an extended period of time. While I have been renovating my kitchen, none of the kitchen people have spent time upstairs over the past few days. The Ikea workmen might have assumed that they could get away with it because it was very obvious that my house was under renovation and there were plenty of workmen around and they wouldn't be the only strangers around. Little did they know that the painters of my house were loyal members of my Buddhist centre and therefore not of any risk at all.

It disappoints me that people are so greedy - I have to try and be compassionate about it but I will still call Ikea tomorrow to lodge a complaint. It is impossible to recover the laptop since they could have or would have disposed of it by now but at the very least, they could be stopped from robbing others.

Sigh.

School, Ghostbusting and Setrap

2007-06-24T10:49:00.000+08:00

The day started bright and early with a visit to Sean's school to see his form teacher about his report card. It wasn't as bad as I thought though of course he has tremendous room for improvement. He dropped in his class ranking and came 38/47, which I was a bit disappointed at. GL kindly came to translate since my Mandarin was so rusty. Susan came along too but she was saying that my methods were not working, which of course upset me - Sean being my achilles heel and my feeling that I don't do enough for him already. So when we got home, we talked about Sean's progress (or lack of) and discussed several issues which had been brought up and never resolved. After throwing what we thought of each other's parenting roles at each other, which is the usual case, I said I would be more supportive of her and would try to make joint decisions.

I reminded myself NOT to have expectations. Although I am now wondering whether if I do not have expectations of someone, I then take full responsibility which means I am pretty much a solo act. Hmmm.

Anyway, we decided to check out Sri KDU as an alternative for his schooling.

Ghostbusting
In the afternoon, Susan and I went to Tania's house for a bit of ghostbusting. Funnily enough, I wasn't scared at all, though usually I am! We chatted for awhile then performed the ceremony before Tania's kids came home. The actual process was quite fast. We said 10 rounds of 'Om Dhrum Soha', made some offerings to the spirit, burned Rinpoche's hair and the whole thing was done in about half an hour. We left around 5, dropped by Burgerking for a burger (for me!) because I was ravenous by then. Dropped off the citibank visa payment, then went home to rest before the Setrap teaching at 8.

Dinner
My second cousin, Cheng, called and we agreed to have dinner so we had to leave at 6.45pm to eat near KH. We met his friend Belinda and then took at table for 5. Then Jenny, JJ and Shin joined us, so we changed to a bigger table. Then May Woo and friend joined in and we had a full table! The food was ok - and very reasonably priced.

Setrap Teaching

When we got back to KH, I was told that I was to make Body, Speech and Mind offerings to Rinpoche! I think I broke out in cold sweat! I hadn't done it before and I wasn't sure what to do. Maple gave me a quick run down but I was still nervous as hell.

Then Rinpoche arrived and I made the three prostrations but Rinpoche then took my hand and said there was no need to make those offerings but he would touch foreheads with me. Wow.. I was so happy! No need to worry about not turning around the objects properly and I get a blessing!!

As usual, he gave a Dharma talk about making priorities for the Dharma. Nothing new but a timely reminder to all of us about the inevitability of death, and the inconsequence of our indulgences.

Then he talked about Setrap - plenty of useful info for me for my book though I think I need another session with him to elaborate on certain things. At the end of the teaching, around 12.30 am, he then said that Setrap's practice was not as important as Dharma practice. He said that Setrap supports Dharma practice but he is not the main practice, which is why his chapel is always on the side. So we should focus on Dharma and propitiate Setrap for help to do more Dharma.

After question time, we finally finished around 2am - quite an early night really!

To Sir with Love

2007-06-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

I hadn't slept much on Tuesday night - so when Webby told me that Rinpoche had invited us to a movie last night, I wasn't as thrilled as usual. I know it's so evil of me. It wasn't that I didn't want to go. I was just so tired and I was hoping to have an early-ish night after the KHEC meeting but... who wouldn't want to go to a movie with the Buddha?!

Webby told me that we were meeting at 1Utama GSC at 10.20pm, but during the KHEC meeting, she kept telling me to hurry the meeting along. I only discovered later that she had looked wrongly at the time and thought it was already 10.30 when it was only 9.30! Since I am queen of being anal over time, I asked her whether she thought it strange that I wasn't in the least bit stressed if we were so late!

Anyway, we toddled to 1Utama with time to spare. I hadn't had dinner because I was so tired before the KHEC meeting so I quickly scoffed a meat pie before the others arrived. Jenny had bought all the hot dogs and popcorn and drinks for everyone. What movie were we going to see? I knew it was a horror flick - Rinpoche's favourite - but which.

It turned out that the movie was a Korean production called "To Sir With Love". The story starts with some policemen discovering multiple murders at a house. There were two survivors who were sent to hospital - a young girl and an older lady. The young girl is not seriously hurt and recounts the story to the policeman. She said that the older lady was a retired teacher, Mrs. Parks, whose students had a reunion at her house to celebrate 'teacher's day'. Apparently Mrs. Parks had a child who was born deformed and she kept him in the basement, and the children were not allowed to play with him. Mr. Parks committed suicide in the basement of their house because he couldn't cope with having a deformed child.

It turned out that the students who were visiting the teacher all had deep issues and were all angry with her for the way she treated them when they were children. Mrs. Parks is wheelchair-bound and subjected to death threats by each of the dysfunctional students in turn. As it is a horror flick, the students expectedly start to die gruesome deaths one by one.

To cut the long story short (and here is the spoiler), later it is found that the young lady telling the story is rather psychotic and she had made up the story about all her classmates. She had poisoned them all and all the dysfunctional behaviour attributed to them was actually about her. Mrs. Parks does not remember the incidents and is generally bewildered by the accusations. The movie does not reveal whether the deformed child was real or a figment of the story teller's imagination. And if he was real, what happened to him is not addressed - either deliberately or accidentally.

As usual, one can find a Dharmic angle on almost any story and for me, I thought that this movie was about our attachments to wrongs against us. We create our own sufferings by reliving all the real/perceived wrongs done against us, while the perpetuators of the suffering generally go on with their lives in happy oblivion.

The movie also lightly looks at a few issues: Firstly, how we perceive being teased - the damage to young and fragile egos by the cruelty of children and adults. Secondly, that poverty is demeaning and children from poor families will feel a lack of self worth commensurate with their financial status. Thirdly, that the pressure to conform to societal demands for physical beauty and slimness is also overwhelming for children. The reactions of the children to the deformed boy is terrible and yet so common.

Anyway, the movie was more of a thriller than a horror, and I was glad I went. After the movie, Rinpoche of course invited us all to have a chat and all 21 of us then adjourned to KP.

After Midnight at Kechara Paradise

Rinpoche played what's the new news - where we all had to come up with a new piece of news (surprise surprise) and if it wasn't a good story, we had to come up with 2 more! When it came to my turn, I thought I'd tell him about my Angel documentary with an Australian lady, Tania, and said that we could perhaps portray him as an expert from the Tibetan Buddhist side. "Portray?" He said, "Portray?!"

I don't know how it came about but I suddenly brought it up that Tania said she was having a spirit in her house which was disturbing her daughter. So Rinpoche asked me what I did, so I truthfully said that I had referred her to Master Yap Cheng Hai, but I didn't know if she had called her. I said that I would have asked Rinpoche but Rinpoche was not taking audiences at the time. Rinpoche explained that he needed divination secretaries and a correspondence secretary and that candidates excluded myself, Jamie and Andee (I didn't ask why), and until he found these valuable support staff, he could not carry out his work properly.

Then he suddenly asked for his divination box and popped an Olivia Newton-John CD on. It was really surreal - Rinpoche doing divinations while Olivia belted out 'You have to believe we are magic... Nothin' can stand in our way... You have to believe we are magic... Don't let your aim ever stray... And if all your hopes survive... Your destiny will arrive.... I'll bring all your dreams alive... For you.'

He explained that music can be an offering to the Dharma Protector. 'I honestly love you', another Olivia classic, can also be like a praise to the Protector, Rinpoche said. Enlightened beings perceive things differently.

I believe him.

We finally finished around 5.30am - just in time for us to get home to see Sean off to school then go to bed. But unfortunately, my day was not yet done. Sean hadn't done his homework properly so I made him re-do it, which meant he missed his bus and I had to take him to school. I only got to bed around 8am though I know a few others like Jenny would have had less sleep than I.

Oh what a night.

By the way, here are the lyrics to 'Magic' - I didn't realise that it could really be a song from our Guru to us Dharma chickens until I read it through:

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know that I'll be kind
I'll be guiding you
Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Your destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand
You are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you
Through every turn I'll be near you
I'll come anytime you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you..

RINPOCHE ROCKS!!

The Impermanence of Love

2007-06-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

When love is born
celestial choirs
fill the air
of every moment.
A hastened heart beat,
the happy stress
of waiting for one's beloved
to float into sight
like stepping on rainbows
drifting in the sky.

When love starts to die,
the face that once
brought joy,
now brings sorrow.
No orchestra plays
and the only sound
one hears
is the silent trail
of tears
and the long, sad sigh
in the memory
of a love gone by.

Termites :(

2007-06-14T08:49:00.000+08:00

FM and Justin came to paint the house today - and found we had a termite infestation :( i was rather upset because I'd hired Rapidkill Pest Control to deal with this and they had stuck these green tubes in the ground. I had been a bit dubious because most of the land around my place was concrete so how would the termites get to the tube? Anyway, I let them handle it.. and today, behind the skirting board, there's loads of them!! Now FM says he'll deal with them... but I don't think it's a permanent solution because to really get rid of them, we need to locate the queen. I've just called up Rapidkill and spoken to someone who sounds like they just woke up so I think Rapidkill could be a homebased business. Not that I'm averse to someone working from home but only if they're doing their job. And in our case, they obviously aren't.

:(

Cell Group Meeting - finally

2007-06-13T13:11:00.000+08:00

We finally had our cell group meeting with the Buddha last night. I planned to pick Jan up from Bangsar LRT at 6.30pm - eerily reminiscent of the pick up a few days ago - it felt a bit like groundhog day! JJ was also a bit worried that she may not show. Not out of anything else but circumstance. But fortunately, this time she was there! We then picked Susan up from KMP for dinner at Pizza Uno at Centrepoint, and were joined by Jamie and her friend from London, Sarah. In the end, Meng Kiat and Shirley also joined us for dinner. I can't remember how it came about but I reminisced about a weekend Shirley took me to Langkawi. That was such a fabulous trip... *sigh*

Anyway, while we ate and chatted, we kept a tight watch on the clock as we definitely did NOT want to be late this time.

Our cell group, Ekazati, had to join forces with the Shakyamuni group because there wasn't enough time to schedule more meetings. Jan and Shirley were off on Wednesday for Melbourne and Singapore respectively, and book club was on Friday.

Rinpoche talked about the Buddhist Arts and Culture festival and our presence there, and of course our own Tara and Dzambala! He also talked about the urgency of Dharma work, and how futile the pursuit of what we in Samsara deem important - like money, prestige and enjoyment.

He also said that we shouldn't use our children to justify not doing Dharma work - instead, if we really did care about our children, we SHOULD do more Dharma work. And that how interested our children are in Dharma is how much we ourselves are interested in Dharma because we are being the role models for them.

Susan asked whether sex and monogamy is overrated. My favourite question. Rinpoche answered that it was actually more a social and cultural thing. Monogamy was necessary because of social order. This comes from people's wrong view that they owned their partner. If their partner has sex with another, they feel their ego is challenged and become jealous and then they may become angry and even violent to the point of killing. Because of this, religion adopted the law of monogamy/anti-adultery to keep peace.

So sex is all about ego. People who are promiscuous are usually those with low self esteem. They need to feel desired. So it is less about the physical act than the need to be wanted. Additionally, he said that sex is the same as other attachments, such as gluttony. If we enjoy food very much and spend time thinking about what we're going to eat and rejoicing in eating, it's also negative because it has no basis and is impermanent. Likewise with sex.

I so agree with these points!! I was dozing off a little but completely woke up when this question was raised. Rinpoche also said that the questions reflect the attachments of the person who asks them - uh oh. But it's no secret - I have always thought that monogamy was overrated. Why are people so obsessed with it - relationships are torn because of it, when it can be just an activity like having a good meal.

One may go out and spend exhorbitant amounts on fine dining but then one eats at home more often than one goes out. Yes, yes I am attached to so many frivolous pleasures.

Anyway, the cell group meeting was suppsed to end at 10.30 because there was another group after us. I had planned to meet I-Jin again before she left for Singapore the next day but Rinpoche decided to invite the next group to join us.. so there were 3 cell groups in the audience room. I thought I'd just send I-Jin an sms to say I didn't think I was going to make it.

I was right.

The meeting finally ended around 2am and that's considered early!

Monday is day of rest (with a temporary storm)

2007-06-12T01:17:00.001+08:00

Today was KMP's day off. We got to sleep in - yay!

I was awake around 9am though - designing invitation cards for my mum's alumni annual dinner and finalising info for Oxbridge AGM. Susan and I went for a nice lunch at Bon-ga in Bangsar and a long awaited foot reflexology and shoulder massage. On the way back to the car, we stopped at an Indian restaurant for a drink. When the bill came, I asked Susan if she had any cash and she said no, so I reacted badly and chucked a hundred bucks at her. Not very Dharmic of me at all. Sigh. But I was just mad that I'm always having to be the one to have cash on me. Still - no excuse for childish behaviour. It was a culmination of several events. And I didn't observe the infallible tenet - thou shalt not carry baggage from previous incidents. Anyway, so what started off as a nice, leisurely day kind of descended into a stormy (at least psychologically) one. I guess I should've apologised. Lots of should haves. Oh well. My bad as always. Work in progress.

At least by dinner time, the clouds cleared a bit. Though knowing Susan - she can just make as if nothing's wrong. Anyway, we missed Setrap puja but managed to meet up with my ex-Uni mate, I-Jin, and PG. I was able to justify it by saying to myself that we needed to pick up the KMP things from PG, who had just driven down from Singapore today. I-Jin also just came down from Singapore today. So we could see them both for dinner and kill all birds with one stone.

We met up for dinner at Neroteca - with Kim, Carol and Zahrul. Dinner was ok only. They were out of the suckling pig so I ordered the rib which didn't have much meat on it. It wasn't very satisfactory, but company was good and we had some champagne, so no complaints really.

The Grande Finale

2007-06-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

Today was the last day at the MINES. Last day of festivals and book fairs. Last day of wearing 'Dharma that Bites' T-shirts, which I have been wearing every day since May 25. We had a smashing end to the festival, with KMP grossing RM8075 of sales, which was our highest daily total yet.

One of the highlights was Amber Chia's visit to our booth, which got a LOT of attention. Some people, who shall remain unnamed, were chanting "Amber, Amber" which got us like the 4th warning letter from the organisers of the festival.

Sean looking pleased as punch with Amber

Yesterday and today, Susan and I worked 13 hour days and after we closed up, did the group dedication, packed our boot with paraphernelia, we drove home and went over to La Bodega in BSC for some supper and drinks.

A couple of sangria later, we were feeling decidedly relaxed and ready to hit the sack.

What a blast. I was quite sad that it's over - all the rushing to the various exhibition areas for the past 20 days or so! We can finally rest - but actually, I must confess, I will miss it!

Dzambala Jr.and Green Tara manifests at the MINES

2007-06-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

Today was fantastic - we got to try putting body paint on Sean - he looked more like a little cherub rather than Dzambala but nevermind. The chipmunk phone holder was the only mongoose-like animal our dear President, Sio Chian, could find, and a lemon in place of the bijapura fruit that Dzambala holds in his right hand. Sean was so serious about being Dzambala though - he was so cute. People started to put donations into the slit of the chipmunk and he said "May Dzambala bless you" with a very serious face.

Dzambala Jr and Tara went walkabout the hall and Kechara promptly received a warning letter saying that we were NOT allowed to give public blessings. This was before Sean started receiving donations! When Sean finally sat down and some bright spark put a singing bowl in front of him and money began to go into the bowl, we were given a stern warning NOT to solicit funds. I wondered what was the difference between that and the multitude of donation boxes around the other booths. Oh well. Do we get a prize for having most warning letters?

Dzambala and Tara had to go scrub off - kind of a dampener on the festive atmosphere.

Dzambala Jr. manifested!

Dzambala and Green Tara..

Friday night book club meeting with the Buddha.. not

2007-06-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

Ekazati, our cell group for Book Club, was supposed to meet Rinpoche tonight. We had all been looking forward to it. JJ, Susan and I left the Mines around 4.30pm and went to Czip Lee, the stationery shop in Bangsar to pick up some stuff to make a tiara for Sean. On the way home, Susan dropped JJ and I off at BSC to pick up some flowers for Rinpoche. I smsed Jamie and Jan to see if they wanted to carpool to the meeting. Jamie said she was going directly, but Jan said she'd come over by 7.30pm so we'd get to Rinpoche's by 8pm.

Anyway, everything was going to plan. I went home and dealt with some issues for Oxbridge while Susan caught a nap. At 7, we had a bite to eat and I was expecting Jan to turn up soon. She called at about 7.20pm to say she was running late and would take an LRT to Bangsar, so I said we'd fetch her from the station. She said she'd call when she's at Sentral so we'd leave the house then and everything should run like clockwork. Keyword: should.

Around 7.30pm, Tashi called to ask if we were coming yet. Meng Kiat was already there so they were concerned where the rest of the gang was. The line was really quite bad so I couldn't hear what she was saying much. Anyway, I assured her that we'd be there by 8pm.

Hah.

After I hung up with Tashi, I called Jan again and she said she was almost at Sentral, so we all hopped in the car and headed for Bangsar LRT. Everything was still on schedule. Good thing I buffered a bit of time in.

We arrived at Bangsar LRT at 7.45pm and .. no sign of Ms Drew. So I called and found the she'd taken the wrong train! So she said she'd grab a cab. I said ok and headed back. As we turned round the corner, I pulled over and discussed with Susan and JJ whether Rinpoche would wait til Jan arrived before starting. We decided that he would, so perhaps it was better that we wait for Jan and drive her over, in case she couldn't get a cab or the cab didn't know where KMP was.

So we waited for about 5 minutes. Jan finally called around 8 and we picked her up and scrammed through Friday evening traffic to BU. To top it all off, the petrol light in my car started flashing, showing that it was running on almost empty! I was like... ok.. if the car dies, we'll just get out and run! Anyway, by the time we arrived, it was about 8.30 pm.

Then the proverbial sh*t hit the fan. Rinpoche suggested that we reschedule because we were late. I was quite upset but not surprised. I think it was a culmination of circumstances - that Rinpoche had specially rushed back to be on time for us and we were late. That several cell groups had been late before us. That we did not inform him that we were running late. Perhaps our collective karma was the reason. Whatever it was, we just had to accept that we weren't going to see the Buddha tonight.

Susan and I trooped off home, after visiting the petrol station safely along the way. I spent the rest of the evening making a tiara. Why? Watch this space!

The MINES and our cell group meeting

2007-06-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

Barely home and we've already got another exhibition on our hands. There is a Buddhist Culture and Arts exhibition at the MINES convention centre which starts tomorrow (or later today). So in the morning, Susan and I went off to the MINES to see how the set up was going. Kechara Paradise had taken one booth and KMP had taken the adjoining one and there were already lots of KH elves there - Milly, Ruby, Henry, Suzan, Chia, FM, David, Shin, Rajendran and Suresh.

Like in Singapore, we were next to the toilet (why, Buddha, why?) and right at the back of the hall. But unlike Singapore, the area leading to the toilet was dirty and the door to the toilet was locked so I couldn't go in. I sent an sms to Jamie saying she's going to love this 'Malaysian character'!

After helping unpack, Susan and I went off to get Metta and the kittens back from the vet. I was still madly reading the five chapters for Book Club from Dragon Thunder as we had our cell group meeting in the evening. At 7, Sean and I went to collect some pizza for the night.

The cell group meeting started around 8.30pm - with Meng Kiat, JJ, Jamie, Jan, Shirley, Susan and myself. We tried to keep on topic but kept getting distracted by a host of other side discussions! I was also on MSN with my sister, Stephanie, who lives in Melbourne. She said she was planning to visit KL en route to Penang in October, so I suggested she come for Rinpoche's birthday, which falls on 24th.

Anyway, the meeting finally wound up around 1am, when Jan and JJ found out that they live next door to each other, so they headed off to get a cab.

Fortunately Susan and I are not on duty at MINES on Wednesday so we could have a one day break. Though we still might visit them and see how things are going!

Last day in Singapore and back to KL

2007-06-05T02:39:00.000+08:00

Monday was the first morning in 10 days that we could sleep in, but I woke up at 8am anyway. The others were all sleeping so I tried to pack as quietly as possible. I also tried to finish off left overs in the fridge so that Ros doesn't get any nasty surprises when she gets home. Susan, Yek Yee, Sean and I then took a cab to Liang Court to meet Fun, Jenny's cousin, for lunch. Poor Shin had to go off to work so she couldn't join us.

Fun took us to this fabulous Japanese restaurant in a Japanese supermarket called Meidi-Ya. It was reasonable and they had my favourite sashimi - Uni!! A small bowl of Uni and Ikura on rice was about SGD14++ which was definitely value for money. I was a happy camper.

After lunch, we popped over to see Sheila in Circular Road to say goodbye and then we took a cab (with a garrulous cab driver!) back to Monk's Hill Road for the last time.

It was tough fitting everything into the boot, Jamie, Yek Yee, Susan, Sean and my luggage plus some POS stuff for KMP plus some gifts for Jenny from her cousin. I ended up with my laptop bag on my lap for the whole journey back to KL.

During the drive, Jamie and I were discussing about the sterility of Singapore versus the mamak culture of Malaysia. I have never lived in Singapore but I did love the cleanliness, organisation and architecture of Singapore. Jamie said that it was too perfect, it's like living in a theme park and that it was too competitive in Singapore. The people were all in a rush, while in Malaysia, the people were more laid back. I replied that the people were too laid back in Malaysia - sometimes I can't bear it.. in shopping malls, the people in front of me are walking so slowly. The shop assistants move slowly, talk slowly. It drives me nuts. Needless to say, I get extremely frustrated with the educational system and how it is not meritocratic.

But I shan't get on my soap box today. I think I was a bit upset because we'd just left Singapore and it's perfectly manicured landscaping and the first stop we took in Malaysia had horribly dirty toilets. After that, we'd gone to A&W at Ayer Keroh rest stop for dinner and the root beer was flat, and they were out of hot dogs and chilli sauce. Sigh. Welcome to Malaysia.

As I ranted, Yek Yee said that's so sad. And I caught myself and tried not to be so negative. After all, what gain does it give me. I was here to stay in Malaysia - as long as my parents were there, and as long as Rinpoche was there. So I would just have to get with the program!

We got back to KL by 8.30pm, and went straight to Setrap Puja at KH. They were in the middle of it already so we quietly joined in. At the end of the puja, Umze Krystal said a welcome back to us, and it was just really nice. People came up to give us welcome back hugs and it really was like coming home. So yes, I'm glad to be home!

Last Day at the Book Fair and Sean gets his wish

2007-06-04T14:20:00.000+08:00

The last day at the Book Fair saw a huge discount on our titles. It was quite heart wrenching to see Dharma on discount but it was apparently what happens at the Book Fair on the last day and we wanted to reach as many people as possible as well as reduce our stocks to take back to Malaysia!

Susan, Sean and I were on the early shift - from 11am-4pm. It was not very busy but we made a few sales. I looked through my phone book to see who I could cajole to come visit us and Sean suddenly said, why don't you ask papa. So I said ok, you call him. And he went off with the phone. He came back and said Tom said he would come. I was immediately worried that Tom would say he would come but FFK at the last minute. I tried to tell Sean, don't get too excited cos papa is very busy and may not come. He was so excited, which made me even more anxious. But things got busy at the booth and I became distracted.

We finally left around 5 to grab lunch and walk around Suntec. We went to Pepper Lunch - one of my favourite discoveries this trip. Here you are served your choice of meat on a sizzling plate so you can cook it to your choice of doneness, which in my case, is just lightly seared on both sides.

After a satisfying meal, we wandered around Suntec to look for shorts for Sean. Susan asked if I'd heard from Tom and I said nope. As time ticked by, I was worried that my anxiety would become justified. Susan said he wouldn't be so mean to say he would come and not. I said I am just expecting the worst.

Anyway, we distracted ourselves with shopping and came across a DC shop - selling clothes with DC comics trademarks, eg Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, Batman etc. We went to town in that shop, each of us picking a few things. Susan bought 3 tops, I had 2 and Sean had 1 t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

We went back to the booth after that and saw that other booths had started to wrap up even though it was only 8pm! We decided to put together some boxes and get ready to wrap up too. Around 9pm, I had a tap on my shoulder and it was Tom. My dear ex-husband. Susan sprinted down to get Sean who was heading off to see something down the other side of the hall. I saw Sean turn and run back and it really tore my heart open. He ran up and hugged Tom and I saw that Tom was a bit emotional too. I had to turn away by then because I was really going to cry.

Tom and Sean chatted for awhile. I was packing up so I didn't really hear what they were talking about. Now and then I'd pop by and be nosy - once, I found them talking about pool! Tom was drawing some angles on a piece of paper on where to hit the ball.

*blink blink*

Anyway, we finally finished packing at about 10.30pm and I asked if Tom wanted to go for a drink but he said he had to go. He helped us take some stuff down to a taxi and we went off.

When we got back to the apartment, Sean was in really high spirits. While he was in the shower, he was singing away and said it was his happiest day. He also put aside the paper that Tom had drawn on and said he was going to keep it very carefully. It broke my heart to see how happy he was - because I don't know how much Tom can invest into their relationship and I really didn't want Sean to be disappointed. But I guess it's for Sean to conquer his own battles and I will just be there to hold his hand along the way.

Penultimate Day at the Book Fair and a party at the end

2007-06-03T14:52:00.000+08:00

Here's Sean talking to more (bewildered looking) people.

Sheila, our Hindu Priestess, came to visit and as usual had a deep chat with Susan.

Today was a lovely day because I met up with an old friend from University, I-Jin Chew. I had googled for friends I could possibly invite to the Book Fair and out of the cobwebbed recesses of my mind came a few names from Uni. The only one I managed to find was I-Jin, and dropped her an email. She tried to call me but as usual, I didn't hear my phone (and yes, Susan keeps wanting to get me a hearing aid). Anyway, through several smses, she finally could make it at 4ish on Saturday so I was quite excited to see her. I hadn't seen her since Uni, in 1989... which makes it 18 years ago?!

Anyway, she came and I was so excited I forgot to take a picture! But she is coming to KL next week so I hope my memory kicks in by then and I'll snap one for posterity.

She left around 5pm and then we had to rush to Carrefour to do a mad shop for our KMP party late that night. Everyone was coming over to Ros' flat for some drinks and snacks when the book fair closed for the night. Susan and I had dinner plans with PG at 7, so we had walk over to Carrefour, shop and get back by then.

We got home just in the nick of time and were whisked off by PG to eat yummy food at some Hong Kong restaurant on Thompson Road. After stuffing ourselves silly, we went back to Ros' and prepared the snacks etc. On offer was smoked salmon and cheese roulades, apple ham and cherry tomato mini sandwiches, olives, lay's salt and vinegar crisps, strawberries and chocolate dip, a bottle of Gewurtstraminer (however spelt)and a bottle of Shiraz, 2 bottles of coke and some cakes.. all for SGD145. Not too bad really. Though the budget was SGD100!

Here's the spread...

Happy KMP (and guests, PG and TLS)!

Sean arrives!

2007-06-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

Susan and I were on standby today, which meant we didn't have to be at the booth for a whole shift. So we went to Orchard Road - how can we visit Singapore without a pilgrimage to Orchard Road!

I took Susan for lunch at Lawry's - my favourite place for Roast beef in all of Asia, so far anyway. After that, we walked across to Takashimaya and then to Borders at Wheelock Place, where we bought a couple of Dharma magazines. We then found ourselves gravitating towards Suntec to see what was going on. Also, Shirley was dropping Sean off at Suntec on her way to the Fullerton. I was so excited that he was coming! Their flight was delayed though and only arrived at around 6.30pm.

He came upstairs to our booth and immediately changed into a 'Dharma that bites' T-shirt and swung into action. He was remarkably successful, I think because most adults find it amusing that a kid is telling them about Dharma! Anyway, I was very proud of him.

Green Tara appears for Vesak!

2007-06-01T02:53:00.000+08:00

KMP had a wonderful opportunity to celebrate Vesak Day twice this year – once in Malaysia and again today in Singapore! In the morning, as it was a public holiday, there were more visitors to our booth than over the past few days.

To celebrate Vesak, KMP super writer Jamie “Paris” Khoo decided attract more attention to KMP’s booth as well as fulfil a long time fantasy of hers to dress up as her favourite Buddha, Green Tara – and wow, look at how fabulous she looks!

Not only did she look great, she also drew quite a crowd to our booth. People actually came to ask for bookmarks and postcards. She walked around outside the Book Fair hall too, going up and down the escalators, from the ground floor to the top floor, accompanied by her wannabe dakinis - Shin, Susan and I. We imagined ourselves going up to the heavens and down to the three lower realms (as we were on the 4th floor)!

Some youngsters asked for postcards and then threw them in the dustbin, which they found very amusing and we didn’t. We simply thought that maybe even holding the postcards may give them an affinity for Dharma in the future.

We even met a Tibetan thangka seller who marvelled at our own Tara and asked to take a photo with her! Here on the left is a picture of our Tara and a Tara Thangka!

While sales weren’t that many, there were lots of visitors and we even closed late today because there were still browsers in the booth at 10pm! Our book sales were a bit better than the previous couple of days, and total sales came to SGD650.

Yek Yee and JJ shared that a lot of visitors were intrigued by the ‘Greedy’ title of the Chinese book. Some were actually challenged why we used the title, saying that we shouldn’t use ‘greed’ with Dharma. However, once, Yek Yee had explained to a mother about the rationale behind the Be Greedy title, and the mother understood and explained it to her child. It is fantastic that KMP has the opportunity to share with people about changing mindsets.

The KMP volunteers and staff received a wonderful sms message from Rinpoche which was very touching : “I am excited and happy for all of you. All of you are like in a retreat during this period like a 10-day retreat. Your body moving, packing, unpacking, showing, sleeping, eating, travelling for dharma. Your speech, nearly all words direct and indirect is increasing dharma. And your mind single-pointedly focused on talented, skilful ways to bring dharma to others! I am truly happy from my heart. Beautiful.”

To end the day, HE Tsem Tulku Rinpoche’s Chinese book, Be Greedy was found by Shin and Joseph to be displayed in the New Book section in Kinokuniya. Let’s hope it’s a best seller!