No Smoking in the Attic

Last Saturday, Webby and I went to the opening party of the mini O - our mini olympics amongst a group of friends which we'd taken part in over the past few years. It was held in an art gallery called the attic, which was nearby in Jalan Bangkung. We paid RM25 to get in, which included one drink. It was a nice party - not too crowded nor too empty. But the best part was the no smoking policy. Since it was an art gallery by day, and we'd just rented it for the evening, smoking was confined to the small balcony outside. All the non-smokers were ecstatic. At last - to party without breathing in second hand smoke. Webby and i went home happily without reeking of smoke.

We all know the benefits of non-smoking. I personally don't have a big issue with it. If anyone wants to smoke, so be it, but i do think it's not fair to impose their wants on others.

While i sympathise with smokers for not being able to smoke at a certain venue, they can simply go outside for a smoke, whereas for non-smokers, we have no choice. It's either don't go clubbing or go clubbing and breathe smoke.

So, smokers - please - be kind and think about us for a change.

Take me as I am or leave me...

I was watching 'Rent' - a musical.. a couple at their engagement party sing 'Take me as i am or leave me' because one half thought the other half was flirting with a waitress at the engagement party. Basically one half is an ivy league 'control freak' and the other is a musician and a free spirit. The free spirit claimed to just be talking to the waitress and not flirting. Maybe the free spirit just wasn't really ready to settle down. And maybe the control freak was just feeling insecure. Who really knows except the free spirit what her motivation was. In the end, they went their separate ways. I know it's just a show but i thought the issue was interesting.

It brought me back to the question of asking people to take us as we are. But just what are we? Who are we? And what defines us?

Aren't we a constantly changing flux? If we are a free spirit or even it's opposite - a control freak - can we be different? Would that mean compromising our inner being? Our core personality? Is there a core that doesn't change? I used to say I'm not monogamous and i would never change. Well, i've been monogamous for almost four years now... so never say never!

I was discussing with Webby about compromise a few weeks back. She said compromise means that you are giving up something unwillingly and has a negative connotation. Instead, she said, we should think more on whether we complement each other. It was quite eye opening for me as i hadn't realised that the word compromise does have very negative implications. She said that if we think we compromise more than we complement each other in a relationship, that means there is something wrong with the relationship. Or rather, that there is something wrong with the way one views that relationship. A bit like the glass is half full or half empty thing. Everything is perspective.

Ajahn Nyana said a few weeks ago that we should just look at what we have and say - it's good enough. I just wonder though - if we accept what we have as 'it's good enough', does that mean we would simply stay with the first person we dated (arggh!) although it would also mean my husband wouldn't have left me...

Interesting.

Legalised gangsterism

Just as GL dropped us back from badminton, there were two motorcycles parked outside our gate. My heart sank. It was the supposed privately run security detail for our area - and this was the third day they had visited our house. Webby's car was parked on the street and on three separate occasions, had been broken into (smart tag stolen, even though it was in the glove compartment), her left wing mirror been stolen and most recently, been bashed up (see 'bad car-ma' below). We suspect that it's because we hadn't signed up with the security company, which consisted of two men supposedly patrolling the three streets in our area during the night and one man during the day.

This was basically legalised gangsterism. The jaga kereta now graduated to jaga rumah is asking for RM50 per month to make sure your property is 'safe'. Webby was hopping mad when they approached her on Friday for the first time, pointing out that if they were any good, her car wouldn't have been broken into and vandalised so many times. They ignored her complaint and were very insistent on her signing up and said they would come and pick up the form later but she said we'd be out. They came the next day, and I talked to them - telling them what use it was to pay when we didn't feel safe. They still were very aggressive about us signing up. In the end, i told her i'd have to discuss it with my housemates.

We gloomily decided that it was better that we pay the RM50 per month than have something happen to our house or worse still, any of us.

She wanted to scold them (so did i, actually!) but i told her to not aggravate them and just ask them to help look after our house.

I wish there was another way to deal with this problem. We even smsed PL to ask how much it would cost to get a guard at our house. She said depends on whether it's a Gurkha or local and different qualities and whether armed or not armed etc. I was at first quite attracted to the idea of having our own body guard but realised it would cost us a packet and a half, so that fantasy had a quick death.

So we signed up.

Some people say that we have to stand up to these people - but at the risk of my family? No thanks.

Imagine Me & You

Just had a fabulously delicious meal at Carol and Zahrul's fabulous new house last night. Carol is the most amazing cook - so far i've had the best chocolate cake and the best quiche at her house. Positively orgasmic. I would move in next door except for the almost negligible fact that the house next door costs almost three times the price of my house. Carol and Zahrul are one of the nicest couples too. Z is incredibly sweet and obviously dotes on Carol - lucky Carol!

Anyway, after that wonderful dinner, washed down with plenty of wine, we had to make a move as Sean had to go to bed since it was a school day the next day. I was thrilled when GL passed me her DVD of 'Imagine Me & You'.

I'd wanted to watch Imagine Me & You ever since i saw the trailer - being a fan of most romantic comedies. I had to wait for the DVD because i don't think it was shown in cinemas here. Piper Perabo (ex-Lost and Delirious and Coyote Ugly) had an interesting British accent. Made me a tad curious why the BBC couldn't find a British actress for this part. Maybe they wanted an American actress to appeal to the other side of the pond. Anyway.

Overall the movie was pretty predictable (i like that though..) and saccharine sweet. Made me think about the eternal question though - is there such thing as love at first sight? and what if you are married to/engaged to someone else and you see a spark across the room... what do you do, if anything, about it?

If you haven't seen the movie and want to, stop right here as i'm about to talk about the ending.............

For political correctness, Rachel should've left Luce to go back to Heck (if you don't know what the Heck i'm talking about, go watch the movie). It would be the 'proper' thing to do. After all, Rachel was committed to Heck in holy matrimony (and all that ^%#%). The lesbian theme is actually completely irrelevant except that it gives the love story a different twist. Rachel fell in love with some one else. Period. Her angst and what choices she makes is the basic storyline. The right thing to do would have been to NOTpursue it.

But are we in control of ourselves or not? Or should we be in control? Should we disregard strong feelings for someone else because we are so-called 'taken'? I personally think monogamy is overrated. But saying that, i wouldn't act on anything while i am with someone out of pure respect for my partner. It's all about self control and not giving in to our delusions and attachments and the golden rule of not hurting anyone.

There is one poignant scene where Luce is confronted by Heck's best friend, Coop. Coop throws the line back in her face - so much for not wrecking other people's lives... we all (well, most of us anyway) don't want to hurt other people. But often we do - sometimes unintentionally, which can be excusable, and sometimes intentionally - because we so-called 'cannot help it'. Is there anything we really cannot help when a decision is ours? But how far to we go to put others' happiness above ourselves? According to the Buddhist credo, or what i understand of it, we must always put others' happiness above ourselves. Do we then obey our parents blindly - because that would make them happy? E.g. marry someone because they think he is suitable for you even though you have no feelings for them whatsoever. Or not go travelling because they think that's not a good thing to do. How far do we go? Going back to the movie - i'm sure many people will be most disapproving of Rachel and Luce's relationship - more so because of infidelity rather than homosexuality. I think it's because everyone is so afraid that their partner will fall for someone else and leave them...

Saying that though, i'm glad Rach ended up with Luce! GL just pointed out to me that actually Rachel didn't leave Heck. Heck left Rachel because he didn't want her to stay with him out of obligation. And that it was nice that their friendship (Heck and Rach's) was emphasised as the cornerstone of their relationship and that staying together or letting go was decided by both. I guess that's how the writers redeemed Rachel for her infidelity - though she had only one kiss or two..

If nothing else, the movie's anti-homophobic stance deserves applause. The movie portrays a lesbian relationship as fairly normal, with Rachel's mother providing some kind of balance by being stereotypically disapproving and disbelieving for a whole 3 minutes or so. But support was at least predictably and warmly provided by Rachel's dad, played by Anthony Head (of Gold Blend nescafe ads in UK - gosh - does that tell my age.. but more famously, in the popular series 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', which also has a lesbian sub-plot but i won't go into that here).

With movies like 'Brokeback Mountain' and the TV series like 'L Word' and 'Queer as Folk', homosexuality is definitely moving into the mainstream. Hopefully, in time, gay marriage would become as accepted as interracial marriage is today, which is a relatively recent phenomenon.

Imagine that!

Exciting drive to Bukit Tinggi

Just had to blog this - It was a Friday evening. GL was driving her citroen, Kim was in the front passenger seat and Webby and i were in the back. We were following Carol and Zahrul's car to go to Bukit Tinggi for dinner. Friday evening traffic meant the road was quite busy. So GL then decided to make a U-turn. The opposite lane was clear and where the road divider ended, she quickly swung her car around.

Yay we thought.

For about 30 seconds.

A car came round the corner, heading straight for us! Idiot! We all unanimously pronounced. The car swerved around us and fortunately there was no mishap. Moron! We thought, looking at each other incredulously. Where do people learn to .. before we could even finish the thought - another car came hurtling round the corner and we had to swerve..as we went round the corner, we saw streams of cars coming straight at us and we finally clicked that we were on a one-way street, facing the wrong way! The road divider meant we couldn't turn around so we simply threaded hair raisingly through the traffic until we emerged at the end of the road.

It was quite amazing that no cars honked at us - i think they were just too stunned. Probably thinking what are these four Kedah women doing! It's quite a miracle that we were completely unscathed.

What a classic.