Sunday, August 27, 2006

Oops I did it again...

Yes. Barely a few days after celebrating four years of being together, i did it again. Webby told me in no uncertain terms that i was too impatient and had a lot of issues with Christianity.

It all started when we were at Pyng & Sheryl's - my cuz, Choo was there, she was a born again Christian. And we started talking about Christianity. You know what they say - when making small talk, never talk about religion and politics. Those two subjects are completely taboo. They just happen to be my favorite topics, especially religion, so in i happily splashed, jumping eagerly in where angels fear to tread.

They were talking about being 'slain' - where the Holy Spirit 'slays' you by knocking you over with a feather. I was quite interested in this phenomenon, and knowing Webby was a missionary before, i enthusiastically turned to her and asked, "So, can you do that?"

She replied, "No, no one can do that.."

Then i lost it.

All compassion and right view and all that jazz went singing out of the window before you could say hallelujah.

I just snapped because i felt she was joshing me - i felt that she knew what i wanted to know yet gave me the usual crap (see .. so freaking judgemental) about oh we don't do anything, it's all the Holy Spirit.. it reminded me of the time i met this healer called Christopher. I said to him in passing, oh so i hear you do healing? And he said, no i don't - Jesus Christ is the healer, not me. At first i was scornful, then after thinking about it, i thought that at least it was humility there, not claiming responsibility for one's talents. But it did nark me a bit. So when Webby said that, it just threw me in a spin so i went off to join Pyng outside on the deck while i calmed down.

When we got home, of course the issue came up - she wanted to know why i was so upset. So i explained that firstly, it was the way she answered - if she had said yes or no then qualified it, that would be fine.

She said that she would have explained more further if i'd given her the chance but i'd stormed off. And that it was usual Christian jargon.

Agreed i'd stormed off, but i still felt that if she had replied the way i (see.. ego again) wanted, it would've been ok. And that i knew it was Christian jargon but i was hoping she would be able to give me an answer without the jargon.

She of course disagreed and said that she answered the best she could.

I thought about it and agreed that 1) i was too impatient, i wanted the answer my way and when i didn't get it, i got pissed off. Learning - be more patient. Tell your ego to fuck off. 2) i have huge issues with Christianity - she thinks i want to bash it up, but i actually want to know what is the truth. Does the Christian God exist? Does Jesus exist as portrayed in the Bible? Is the Bible the real deal etc. Learning - don't get so hung up on Christianity and don't judge whether a religion is so called better than the other. Underline "don't" many times.

So me bad, as usual.

I decided to go out for a walk. Check out the twin moons thingy. Apparently Mars was going to be visible from earth, so i gazed at the sky but all i saw was cloud. A bit like seeing the inside of my head really.

So after a stroll round the block i came home and decided to do a hundred prostrations to quell my patience and get over my ego. Ok, i know a hundred aint much but to me, who hadn't done a hundred since May?.. it was a big deal.

At least when i was done, i was too tired to feel pissed off anymore. Maybe that's what's meant by purifying one's negativity.


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